The Final Mark

Chapter 6

     Mai was overcome with such a huge flow of emotions it was unfathomable. It took may by such a surprise, but it was a good surprise none the less. Not too long after that kiss Aiko muttered the words, “Mai, I like you too. I have ever sense you came here and I would like you to answer something: will you go out with me?”

     “Yes… Yes. YES YES YES!!!” Mai scream these words with such excitement. Mai had never felt such feelings before. This happiness was amazing. The joy, the love, the compassion: it blew away every pain that could ever be felt by a human being and Mai enjoyed every last second of it.

     Ever since that day Mai had been happy. Not just like you’ve received a piece of chocolate happy, but genuine happy. This happiness could not be matched by that of anything else; even chocolate.

     Mai’s grades improved in school.

     The anxiety started dying.

     The bullying settled.

     Her people skills improved.

     People talked to her.

     It was like she was born into another world. Everything just seemed so perfect. That was until October rolled around. It was then, even with the mass amount of studying she had been going, had her whole world come to a complete stop.

     The entrance exam in Japan was what got you into college. Your high school grades? Nothing, it only recommended you on what college you should test for. This is like the SAT/ACT of Japan, times a million. The fun thing is that each school has THEIR OWN TEST. If schools scheduled tests on the same day, there went some of your options for your future. This test was the cause of stress for millions and now it hit Mai. Mai was chugging along fine and was all prepared for this until reality sunk in. She had only one chance. If she failed she would be nothing. Nothing but a disgrace to the world.

     Aiko kept her going. She never let Mai give up. She studied for hours beside her: day in and day out. None of it mattered though. Back came the anxiety, back came the depression, the thoughts, the pills, the nightmare, the horror. It was a domino effect from hell itself. The funny thing about dominoes is that they can’t be stopped; you can only hope someone set them up wrong so they will stop halfway through. The funny thing about that though is that rarely happens anymore.

     Mai was back on her medicine. Every day and night she had to take her pills or else her depression would consume her. It wasn’t affecting her study habits, which her parents were thankful for, but it was affecting her mentally. Aiko was now, once again, all Mai had. The rest of her ‘friends’ abandoned her. This was nothing new to Mai and she didn’t care, as she had Aiko.

     Mai was still scared though. Matter of fact she was more scared than any other time in her life. This sucked.

     She was just lost; lost in the labyrinth of her dark, sunken mind. To then quote Simon Bolivar, she thought, “Damn it, how will I ever escape this labyrinth.” Those were the last words of Mr. Bolivar. He’s dead now.

     Mai simply paced back and forth in her room. The first test of hers was in December. That was two months away! Mai didn’t know what to do. She studied her three ‘r’s’, her history, science and everything, and yet she didn’t feel ready. She studied so much she could wager money that you could read an excerpt from a textbook and she could tell you what page it was from.

     No amount of preparation worked. No amount of studying helped. No amount of ambition paid off. She felt like the Englishman, John Lennon: an amazing person who worked hard and built himself up, but then was shot down; literally. He too is dead now.

     So much death. All the great people are dead. Goes to show you how amazing our generation is.  This is where Mai was. This is where her thoughts had led her to be: a spiraling hole of pessimism. Damn depression. That was a lot of what Mai thought about: her damn depression. Oh how she wished it would just go away.

     She still had her good thoughts; she still had Aiko. Mai guessed life was still good.

     The problem became that not all her thoughts were good. No they were not.

     “No,” Mai said to herself. “No, no, no.” She sat on her bed and cried. It can’t be happening. Not like this. This was supposed to be a breeze. This was going to be the year she beat it all, but now what? What was becoming of her? This damn test. “Why,” she cried out softly.

     “Mai,” called a voice gently from across the room. That was following a small knock upon the door. Mai looked up to see who was there; it was Aiko.  She watched over Mai carefully. Mai was so happy that she was here. She always came when Mai needed her.  Mai stood up and embraced her with a hug. Mai started crying.

     “Aiko,” Mai cried.

     “Mai,” Aiko said in her gentle voice. “What’s wrong baby?”

     “The test,” Mai said weakly. “I can’t do it. I am going to fail.” The tears continued to flow.

     “Mai,” Aiko said straightly. Mai looked up to her. “Things are going to be okay. This is your anxiety talking.” Maybe, Mai thought, but maybe not. The anxiety had been playing a huge role in this part of Mai’s life, but Mai just not feel prepared for this anymore. She told herself she should have tried harder. She told herself that she was a total failure. Mai was scared that her family would disgrace her forever. She was scared she would never be able to live up to the honour of her family.

     “Mai,” Aiko said again. Mai looked up once more. “Have you… attempted recently.”

     “No,” Mai said softly.

     “Is this the truth,” asked Aiko.

     “Yes,” said Mai.

     “Have you done other things?”

     “Yes.”

     “Where are they,” asked Aiko. Mai simply pointed to the drawer of her desk. Aiko walked over to it. Mai stood where she was. Aiko pulled open the drawer and looked around for a few seconds before pulling out a few objects: Mai’s blades. She pulled them out and pocketed them.

     “No more,” Aiko continued. “I love you Mai Misaki. I will not let you go through this alone. I am not letting you leave me.”  She walked back over and kissed Mai on the forehead. Mai looked up, Aiko’s eyes glowed with colour, her smile shined brighter than the sun, and her hair flowed gently down her head like a river.

     “I-I-I,” stuttered Mai, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry Aiko. I failed you.”

     “No,” she said softly, “we’re going to work on this. We will get you recovered. We’ll study as hard as we can and you are going to pass that test.

     "Alright, we will," said Mai. That was the first lie.  Mai leaned into Aiko’s shoulders and cried. Mai had bad news, but didn’t say it. Mai wasn’t going to past the test.

     As one would figure,

     It is hard to pass a test.

     When you are dead.