The Final Mark

Chapter 12

     “That little,” said Mai. Mai was home now. She was in her bed crying, again. She cried a lot. She was also given a lot to cry about. It helped her vent her emotions. It helped a lot.

     “She was right,” Mai said to herself. “I should have contacted to school. Damn it. Why am I so naïve? Kait! I hate you so much! Why do you do this to me?!” Mai wanted to get into this school. Mai talked about it ALL the time. It was all she cared about. It was all she wanted, but now she can’t have it: ever.

     Amidst her tears came a knock on the door. It was her mom.

     “I have good news.”

     “What good news,” asked Mai as she wiped a tear from her face.

     “Well, I heard what happened.” Mai felt embarrassed now. “I drove up to the school and told them what happened. I showed them the letter. They were as shocked as you were when they heard about this.”

     “And?”

     “And they have agreed to let you retake the test.”

     “Really,” exclaimed Mai in excitement. A huge smile broke out on her face and she ran to her mom and hugger her. “Domo Arigato!!! Thank you so much!”

     “Wait just a second,” said Mai’s mom. Mai’s excitement vanished. Mai looked up at her mom.

     “What?”

     “That school will allow you to retake the test, BUT with one condition.”

     “Okay,” said Mai. “What is it?”

     “The condition is: you will receive a ten percent deduction off of your final grade.”

     “Ten percent?!”

     “Yes Mai.”

     “That’s insane! I have to practically ace it in order to get a decent score now.”

     “And?”

     “I can’t do that.”

     “Why not?”

     Mai stood there for a moment. Lost with her response to her mother’s question.

     “Well?”

     “I don’t know. I just can’t.”

     “What happened to that ‘I can do it’ spirit you had the past few days?”

     “It left with my chances of getting into this school.”

     “Mai you still have yet to realize two things. One: there are other colleges, and two: you can pass this test.”

     “I guess.”

     “Mai,” said her mother. They looked each other in the eyes. “You CAN do this. I know you can. You know you can. Deep down you can pass this test.”

     “I don’t know.”

     “There is no problem in this world that can hold down a human who wants to beat it.”

     “Really?”

     “There is no such thing as impossible. Now go study hard. You will be taking the test next week, one week from today. You are going to pass this test and you are going to make it to that school.”

     “Alright,” said Mai. “I’ll do it.” Mai turned and walked to her room and shut the door behind her. She grabbed her back pack and took all her books out. It was studying time.

     She sat on her floor. In a circle around her was all her subjects. Each one had its own stations. She cycled through them all constantly making sure to cover everything about everything. She read textbooks inside and out, highlighted every detail that could potentially have importance, and quizzed herself on every subject. If she got one question wrong she would study everything again, just to make sure she wouldn’t forget anything else.

     An old feeling was coming back to Mai. She didn’t quiet notice it at first in the heat o her studying, but it was coming back. With a new, increased stress and a tougher challenge, her anxiety found a reason to come back. Mai now had a week more to study, but also had to achieve an ever better score on her test.

     As the night persisted on Mai started to realize this. The anxiety came back, but not just gradually. No, hers was different. It came back sort of in the way one would fall asleep: slowly, then all at once.

     Mai sighed. She could not believe it was back. Not now, any other time would be fine, but not now. She needed to focus on studying, not on worrying about how hard and difficult this test was going to be. Mai tried her best to shake the feeling away. She did everything in her power. She had to. If she had any chance at passing this test she needed to spend as much time possible studying and learning and preparing, nothing less. The anxiety would only hinder her, just like it did before. She was not only pushed back from the fake letter, but also the hospital visit.

     Mai did everything she knew how to calm herself down. She prayed, she meditated, and she even studied more. Nothing she did seemed to work. Nothing at all. It was like it wasn’t meant to go away, but it had to. It just did. Mai eventually fell asleep during the night while she was studying dreams and ways people can stay up, ironically enough.

     Mai awoke the next morning and went right to studying. It was Saturday. She was going to spend the whole day cramming for this test. She wasn’t going to school as it would waste time driving there. She stayed inside her little circle of book and paper and crammed everything into her head that she could. Just when she thought she got everything she found more, or she forgot something, or the answer she knew wasn’t quite good enough. This frustrated Mai beyond belief. Six days out and she felt so hopeless. She missed Aiko. She missed being free. She knew she would be free again after this test, but these next six days were going to take forever. They were going to be the longest days in her life.

     A few hours into the studying Mai’s mother walked in and set a plate of sushi next to Mai for breakfast and left. Mai didn’t even notice the food was there or that her mom came in. She slowly ate it as she studied. She would eat a piece if she got a whole set of note cards right. An average set contained a minimum of one hundred questions and some questions asked for an explanation to the answer given.

     Mai got to eat all her sushi. She was proud of herself. Managing to answer over 600 correct questions before lunch came in. She was very impressed with herself. Maybe her work was paying off. Maybe she could actually pass this test.

     The, of course, her anxiety found a reason to tear her down. She may answered 600 questions in a row correct, but many time had she failed to answer even basic ones right and having to start all over again. Time after time again. All in all she answered over 1200 cards. She kept missing questions and had to start all over again. Time after time again.

     This bummed Mai out, but she did not let it get to her. She took it with pride. She knew she answered more cards, but the means she studied more, so by failing she only strengthened all her other knowledge in the process.

     She did the same thing to attain lunch and dinner, except at dinner she had 150 cards per set. Also each meal she switched subjects to make sure she studied everything. The day went a long very well. It went a lot better than she had originally hoped and this made Mai really proud, not only of her efforts, but of herself as well. Mai doesn’t always look up at herself, but for once she found that sense of pride, and she liked it, no, she loved it. It was a feeling she could never get tired of. Every little second she spent in this mood she cherished. It was a new freedom for her. She had to remember this feeling as she may have found a way to tackle her anxiety.

     May stopped herself at 10:30 that night from studying. She decided she would get some rest tonight. She wouldn’t allow her to fall behind on sleep. Sleep was just as important as the studying itself. Mai fell asleep on the ground that night though. A blanket is around her to keep her warm during these winterish months. She always slept with books. She always joked about how that way that all the information would diffuse from the book into her head. She fell asleep smiling.