Searching For Someone (A Spoby/PLL Fanfiction)

You Can Hurt Me But Not Him.

I

Can't

Breathe.

My mouth is so dry it feels like its on fire but I'm so cold I have goosebumps on my goosebumps.

I can't last any longer like this.

I'm dying.

A few hours after we were locked in - more like 7 - the light comes back on and the doors and windows are wide open, bringing in a harsh, bitter wind and rain droplets that dampen the carpets.
On the wall over my not consented for picture portraits is the words

I want you dead too, bitch. Leave while you can.

-A

So we do, as I know Alison DiLaurentis will not give us another chance. Especially now she wants me dead.

** A few days later **

I haven't had another message from Ali since she let us out of her apartment. I've been thinking a lot about that night, meaning I've had to order many more pills under my mother's name. How very Hastings of me.

How come Ali let us out so easily? Ali would never ever back down that fast. Not unless she has something bigger, something better planned. I wince at the thought as it scares me too much.

Toby, who is sitting next to me, asks "what are you thinking about?"

I have a blanket wrapped around my shoulders and I'm leaning on Toby's chest, thinking about how I am going to die in my best friends hands. Suffocation? No, too messy. Drowning? Too much work. Shooting? Yes, that's it, that's so Ali. Not too much mess or hard work to be done, quick and easy.
I don't tell Toby that I'm betting to myself how I'm going to be killed though, obviously.
"How tired I am and I don't think any amount of sleep could wake me up because I'm tired of being scared. Tired of feeling like I can't speak or see anyone because she's watching. Tired of being tired."
"You're scared?" He asks acting like he's actually worried about me.
"Yes, Toby. I'm scared of everything, everyone."
"Me?" He looks away, like he's not ready for the answer but I shock him when I say, "on the contrary, you are the only person that has made my life feel the slightest bit sane." He looks deeply into my eyes and I get lost in his. This time I lean in and rest my forehead against his.

He turns away.

"Spencer..." I'm shocked. I thought he liked me, I didn't want another one kiss that leads to nothing. I need someone in my life who actually loves me back.

"I'm s-sorry. I, I thought you wanted... I didn't know..." I stand up away from him and sit on my bed. But before I can finish he's rushing towards me and his lips touch mine.

It's like I've eaten the sweetest cake of all time and the sugar is giving my mouth fireworks, except it's Toby's lips.

My fingers lace into his hair, wrap around his neck and his cheeks and jaw, wanting so much more but he pulls away, out of breath. We're both panting and looking each other deep in the eyes, lost for words.

"Try and tell me again that it's not what I want." He cocks his head and smirks in a way that makes me want to kiss him and kill him.
With that he leaves but this time I'm not unsatisfied with the goodbye.

---

The next day, after a single period day, I meet the girls, minus Aria, in the Brew for coffee and to "catch up as my distanceness after Ali went missing has caused us to drift apart".

"You look like you haven't slept in eighteen million years, I don't think you are okay." Hanna says. Somehow I'm so used to her comments, I take them as pointers rather than insults.

"I think what Hanna means to say is that we're all worried about you." And Emily always manages to patch up the pieces - even if they don't need patching up.

"I'm fine honesty. Where's Aria?" I say as firmly as I can, wanting to change the subject.

"I heard she's staying behind to screw Noel Kahn." Hanna's eyes light up, as fascinated as always when it comes to gossip. Me and Emily catch each other's gaze and roll our eyes.

"No, she's probably just asking Mr. Fitz about the assignment we have tomorrow."

"Mm.. I like that Mr. Fitz. Do you think he's married-"

"Tomorrow?!" I shout, attracting the attention of many oblivious coffee drinkers. "I thought that was next week? The Calc test was tomorrow."

No no no. How can I have got that wrong? I was so wrapped up with me and Toby and Ali.

Before anyone can even say goodbye, I'm out of the door. Someone's going to have a long night tonight.

A/N: AHHHH! We're at 300 reads already! Please keep up the support, I love you all x