Scarlett's Letters

Dearest Love Of My Life

Dearest Love Of My Life (a.k.a. Rhode),

Remember the first time we kissed? Or more accurately, the first time you kissed me? We were in my kitchen (of all romantic places), just us two. I was kneading dough for bread and you were watching me blankly as I ranted about what idiots the neighbors were. Then, in the middle of my speech you leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek, just like that, there then gone. I shut right up and flushed a surely brilliant shade of pink. I stuttered "W-What was t-that f-for?" And you played it off all nonchalant with a shrug, "A test" I gulped and asked "W-What kind of t-test?" "A test to see if I could get you to shut up" you responded with a shrug. Like it was no big deal. Then you smiled at me, that big goofy grin you only gave me, that smile that made me want to either punch you in the face or rip all your clothes off (don't ask). I made a face like I was offended and dumped a bunch of flour on your head. To you I must have seemed normal to you, but I was suffering from heart over-beating (very rare and dangerous). I kept thinking: Rhode just kissed me, on the cheek, with his lips, just now Rhode kissed me, that is what he did, with his lips. When you left minutes later, I sunk to the ground and spent the next... forever thinking about what had just happened, and not making bread. Some would have thought I was over reacting (it was only a kiss on the cheek) but to me that was the only reasonable way to react.

When you left the kitchen that day it was because Maria came in and said she needed help with something-or-other (if my memory doesn't fail me, that is exactly what she said), from the look she gave me I swear she had been looking through the window the whole time. You never knew it, but when I complained about the neighbors, I was mostly talking about her. Oops. Sorry. Little witch (you know what I really mean) wanted you all for herself.

It made me so happy when you told me that she scared you, so happy.

Back to the subject of first kisses. My sister had hers today. With some raven haired boy I didn't know. I saw it on accident. He leaned in real slow like a cliche romance movie, and kissed her softly on the lips. She kissed him back and when they pulled away they were smiling like two idiots. Two happy, blushing idiots. I turned and ran away, nobody saw me thank God. I lay in my hospital bed and sobbed, because I remember the way you kissed me Rhode, how I could never not smile afterwards. I cried until I had no more tears. Then I lay there thinking of you, your laugh, your smile, your lips, your hands, your eyes, your hair, the way you said my name like it was the most beautiful thing you'd ever heard, the way you looked at me... I replayed every moment I'd ever spent with you again and again until the door opened with a creak. "Oh my", said my nurse as she walked in "you must have heard the news".

You died on my birthday you asshole.

And now this letter is smeared and soaked through with my tears because writing this out is more painful than anything I have ever done and I can't stop crying. You suck.

Guess I knew in my heart (as dumb as that sounds) that you were gone. You would never have left me here alone for so long. But hearing it out loud confirmed it, made it real, solid, invited an elephant into the room. No doubt about it, you're gone, you're never coming back and this place will never be a home and I will never be happy again or see you smile or hear you laugh or feel you kiss me or hold your hand or smell your smell or... too many things. And I can't help thinking about that boy and my sister and how I will never be like that again. Happy, carefree, in love.

You're gone... forever... And I kinda wish I was too.

I Love You, I Want You, I Need You,

Scarlett

***{)i(}***

thank you for reading this <3

*cough* never-ending awkwardness *cough* :3

Love Always,

Al