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sixteen

To say that I felt like shit would have been an understatement.

The words Luke said to me and the way he looked at me replayed in my head for the millionth time as I sat in bed, staring at the wall in front of me without any emotion. I couldn't believe I did this to him, I couldn't believe I fucked up for real.

The vibration of my phone made me break my stare and I looked at the blinking screen that showed me a message from Ashton.

Ash: I'll pick you up in twenty minutes, you'll come with us to the aftershow party. I need to talk to you x

I immediately replied, telling him that I would in no way attend the party. No one could make me leave my bed tonight, my heart was just breaking again at the bare thought of seeing Luke's face.

Ash: Get dressed, put some make-up on and be ready when I come. I will pull you out of your room if necessary. X

I didn't know what to reply so I just sighed loudly and got out of bed. I really didn't know what to do, this night was destined to be horrible. Not even 5 hours ago I made the nicest boy I'd ever met cry because I was a selfish, stupid bitch and now I was supposed to go to a party where he was probably getting drunk.

Ashton didn't come by any second later. Exactly twenty minutes after his text lit up my phone he approached my door and hammered against it. I had put on a band shirt and black skinny jeans along with my converse, not in the mood for a fancy outfit. Didn't work out that well the last time anyway.

"Oh, I was already about to tackle you out of bed. Nice to see you all ready to go." Ashton smiled, but I could see in his eyes that he was sad, too.

"Ashton, why can't we just stay here and talk. I can't... I can't see him."

"Freya, you need to fix this. Tonight. We can't have him do this at the other concerts, too."

"Do what?"

"He cried on stage, for fucks sake. He cried while Michael sang wrapped around your finger and ran off stage. It was... it was horrible. We were lucky that the fans didn't see, I have no idea what would have happened if they did. We told them he had an asthma attack."

"Is he okay?" I whispered, tears already prickling in my eyes. "I'm so sorry Ash, I never intended for this to happen, I had no idea he was feeling this much towards me. We only know each other for two weeks now, it's not even possible to like someone in such a short time span! I'm so sorry, I wish I would have never come on tour with you. I fucked up, I fucked everything up. I'm so sorry"

I only noticed I was crying again when Ashton wrapped me in a big hug, stroking my back. My arms were embracing his waist as I tried to stop the few tears that were slipping out of my eyes.

"It's okay, you obviously have a lot going on at the moment. Luke just... he went through a lot, too and I guess he got his hopes up. I will explain this to you someday, or maybe he will. But right now I need you to pick yourself up and go to this party with me and try to talk to him. Please, please fix this. We have three shows in a row the next three days and I need him to concentrate on that."

I nodded and pulled away from him. Even though I knew I couldn't fix it and I also knew I had made the right decision, I had to act as if everything would be okay so they could continue their tour. Ashton was right, they had to put on a good show and Luke needed to be happy and cheerful on stage, it wouldn't be fair to the fans any other way. And I didn't want to be the reason for a horrible time on tour for them, they deserved better.

So I walked next to Ashton and followed him to the taxi that was waiting in front of the hotel, thinking about how I was probably going to fly home anyways after my birthday in five days. Until then I just had to put on a fake smile and act as if nothing happened. I had to pretend that I didn't mean what I said to Luke and I had to swallow down the pain I felt thinking about my birthday. It would be okay, I had suffered enough already to get through this.