reclusive .

manic .

I don't know if you've ever searched the meaning of manic, but it basically means extremely excited, a synonym is maniac. So, with that being said, now i can tell you why i don't want to go to the festival with Louis. Not only do i get random mood swings, but i also get really manic in large crowds of people, but then after the excitement passes, I get scared. Like, really, really scared, and sometimes I have panic attacks. So, I don't want to drag Louis down with my constant mood swings, I don't want to put whatever it is we are developing in jeopardy. Whatever it is we're developing. 

"I'm so proud of you!" Anne squeals in the car Monday morning. I sigh, making the window fog up. "This is the first time in years that you've actually been out! Maybe you'll finally be a normal teenager!" She says, smiling at me in the rear view mirror. I instantly stiffen, giving her a hard look while biting back hateful words. My hands curl into fists and i take a deep breath before grinding my teeth together. She doesn't seem to notice.

When we pull up to the place, I jump out of the car and walk into the building, leaving Anne behind. I walk down the familiar hallway before stopping at door 319, and as always it's wide open. I walk in to see Louis sitting in the middle of the floor, phone in hand and a small smirk on his face. I start to feel like a creep just standing there, but what else could I do?

He finally looks up and smiles at me. "Hey!" He says, standing swiftly. I offer a small wave in response, ducking my head. "So the festival we're going to," He starts, taking a few steps toward me. "Is it ok if my girlfriend and her friends come?"

I shrug and rub the back of my neck awkwardly. Why would he ask me that? As if she would be the third wheel.  "Good. We didn't have much of a choice anyway!" He says, and I smile at my shoes, making sure he doesn't see. "So, i brought the board," He says, making me look up at him. "Yea, it's right over there. Should i go get it?" I just shrug again, and he's suddenly scurrying over to and disappearing into the art section of the large room.

He comes back seconds later holding the dry erase board and the black maker, handing it to me as he passes to sit on the wooden rail next to me. I blush at the -nonexistent- closeness and kick a bobby pin across the room. "So..." He says, trying to ignite conversation, something i've never been good at. "Let's play 20 questions!" He suggests, and i turn to face him.

I nod once before taking the cap off the marker. "Ok um...favorite color? And why." He asks smiling. Black because it's simple. I write before turning to show him. "Mine is red because i'm fierce!" He says, making me laugh silently. "Ok, favorite food." He asks. Tacos. I write, making him smile. "Me too," He says, looking down at his lap before looking back at me. "But i guess i don't really need anymore of that kind of stuff."

Why do you say that? I write, tilting my head to the side. "I mean, i'm the biggest dancer here...weight wise I mean. It's kind of embarrassing competing with all these tall, skinny, well built guys. That's why I practice so hard. If you don't got the looks you gottah have the skills right?" He says, chuckling humorlessly. I guess. But you've got the looks and the talent. I blush and,  as soon as his eyes start to scan it I turn it back around, wiping it off with the sleeve of my sweater.

"Thank you, Harry." He says, smiling shyly, making me blush even more as I give him a small nod. We sit in silence for a while, and for the first time, I don't think about hurting myself, I don't start to pick at my scabs, I just sit in silence like  a normal person. "I totally forgot about our game." He says, chuckling again. It's fine. I like silence a lot better when you're around. I write, blushing furiously when he laughs. But when he shoots me a warm smile, I can;t help but to smile back. 

He pulls out his phone for a quick second before putting it back into his pocket. "She's late, sorry Harry." He says, sighing. It's cool. I write before dropping to the floor, crossing my legs and putting the board inside them. I start to doodle again, humming some song i heard on the radio that i actually really hate. "She's not coming so...i guess we can head out." He says, hopping off the rail and standing in front of me.