reclusive .

infatuated .

I start to write music. There's no real reason why, I just...do. That night, after the kiss, i poured my heart out into a flimsy little journal, and now it's become my escape. It doesn't give me the same pleasure cutting does, but atleast after i'm not ready to drop to my knees and beg for forgivness. There's been so much on my mind lately, most of it having to, one way or another, revolve around Louis. It's like my mind is on auto pilot, something that seem sto happen a lot. As much as i try to block it out, my mind just screams LouisLouisLouis! I don't really mind, Louis does make me happy after all.

I don't realise I can actually sing untill one night im writting a song and the words just start to slip from my lips, and i don't bother to stop it. Not until my big sister's head pops in, and she gives the first real, non-sympathetic smile in a while. "Your voice is beautiful, you know. You should talk more often." She had said, before walking out of room like it was nothing. Like my heart wasn't swelling with happiness, and my eyes weren't tearing up. So I sing. I don't talk, just sing, but only in the confines of my room. It helps ease the continous pain i feel, you know? Kind of makes me feel...I don't know, free? 

"You've been writing in that journal quite alot lately," Louis comments Wednesday morning, a week and three days after the inccedent.  I look up at him, but quickly look back down, blushing slightly. How could i not, i was writing a song about him as he's sitting only feet away. "What is it? Songs? Poems?" He asks, moving a bit closer. I grab the dry erase board and quickly scribble an answer.

Songs. Very, very private songs. 

He smiles at the board before looking up at me. "You can trust me, you know that H. How long have we known each other? A month and some weeks now, right?" He says, crossing his legs and leaning foward to rest his elbows in front of his knees, stretching. A month and three weeks. I write, making him smile again. "You're just proving my point you know." He says, sitting back up. I'm sorry Lou, you can't see.  I write, giving him a sorry smile. "It's ok, I don't care about your lame songs." He says dramatically. He groans as he lowers back down, his head resting on his knees. "They're probablly like some Justin Bieber shit." He grumbles, making me laugh silently. 

When he sits up, he looks over at the large window, and i can't help to stare at his profile. I can't do anything admire his defined yet femminine bone structure, or the way his long brown eyelashes reach almost to his eyebrows, or the light stubble shadowing his jaw, and the way his blue eyes sparkle with amusment and slight mischief, but that's always there.

I don't notice i'm staring until our eyes meet and a light blush dusts my cheeks. My eyes go wide and I'm looking down in my lap becuase I'm so weird but god i couldn't help it. I can feel his eyes burning into the side of my head as i continue to scribble lyrics into my journal, writing notes beneath them. "I bet your voice is beautiful," My hand stops as I stare down at my words. "I bet it is. I can just kind of tell." I look up at him, to see his eyes are already staring into mine. 

Now it's his turn to blush and look away, as i stare at him. He looks back out the window, and my eyes follow to see two boys standing on the balcony. The blond one smiles up at the black haired one as they lean in for a kiss. Louis looks down into his lap, and my eyes are immediately flick back to him. His hands play with a loose string on his shirt, and his eyes are watching like it's the most interesting thing in the world. His thick lashes lay across his freeckled cheeks, and his thin lips are pursed, his eyebrows are furrowed, and i don't think i've ever seen anything so beautiful.

I look down, too as my hand silently makes it's way over to Louis, laying softly on top of his. From the corner of my eye I can see him look up at me, then down at our hands. He pulls his away before grabbing mine and lacing our fingers together. I blush and peek over at him to see he's watching me, and our eyes meet.