Alphabet AU Challenge

R is for Reincarnation: Vicious Cycle (Kellic)

this one's a bit darker. warning for violence/death mentions. based off of some reincarnation-themed au post where in one of the aus only one character could remember that the other is their soulmate. i took it and just kind of ran with it and then this happened.

—

In this lifetime, Vic is the one who remembers.

He can remember the horrific events of his past lives, the way the demons have ripped through his body time and time again. He can remember many of his lives being lost while he still holds on to his lover's hand. He knows that that lover is the reason for all this trouble, and that if they just stayed away from each other, they wouldn't have to go through this torment over and over again. But if there's one memory that sticks out to Vic, filling a hole in his chest with wild flames, it's the feeling of the love that they've shared for thousands of years. They've shared it through different names and cultures, but most of the time, only one of them remembers it. While one of them is roaming the earth in search of their lost love, the other is living their life obliviously. Vic is the one gifted and burdened with memory this time around, and sometimes, he really wishes he were ignorant.

In the year 2015, Vic meets Kellin in one of his college classes, and he knows immediately that he's found his lover. The only problem is, Vic can't just walk up to this guy and tell him that they're soulmates, or whatever the hell they are (it's complicated). As far as Kellin knows, they have never met before. Kellin probably doesn't even know that reincarnation is a real thing. This is the part where Vic considers just leaving Kellin alone and breaking their vicious cycle, but he already knows deep down that he's going to give in sooner or later. After going through this so many times, the two of them have this down to an art–the art of fucking up, all for love. Still, Vic somehow manages to convince himself that maybe this lifetime will be different. It's bullshit, but it keeps him sane.

Kellin's and Vic's lives have been intertwined ever since their very first incarnations, when Vic and a demon made an agreement that would cost him so much more than just one life. After Kellin suffered a life-threatening injury, Vic asked the demon to keep Kellin alive. The demon said that it would, as long as Vic gave the demon his life at midnight of the next full moon in exchange. Vic agreed (though Kellin protested endlessly), but he was so excited and thankful that Kellin had been saved that he got cocky, stuck in his dream land where everything would be alright. On the night that Vic was supposed to kill himself, he stayed in his bed and planned to sleep soundly in a foolish attempt at cheating death. Back then, he wasn't aware of a demon's perpetual rage and how it transcends time, and he certainly wasn't aware of the consequences of breaking a contract with a demon. The world opened up that night, supernatural forces never heard of before cursing both Kellin and Vic with a love that will always end in death. And for all these years, the world has kept its promise.

So, yes, in a way they are "soulmates," since the universe is always pulling their souls together throughout their lifetimes. They are being pulled together, but it's only so that they can then be ripped apart.

Vic knows all of this when he first introduces himself to Kellin in the year 2015, and when they make eye contact, Vic can feel all those years' worth of memories flood his mind. He knows that Kellin feels something, too, because he can remember the same thing happening to him in the lifetimes where he was the clueless one. He can remember Kellin giving him one look full of pain and longing and knowledge far beyond his years, and he can remember feeling something in the pit of his stomach, though back then he had no idea what it was. That's what Kellin experiences when they first meet, and it's always torturous. Vic just wants to skip right to the kisses and the sweet talks, but sometimes it's better to savor this part. Once they start to fall for each other, it isn't long before the demons inevitably step in. It's only a matter of time, so Vic might as well take it slow. He wants to be alive with Kellin as long as he possibly can.

—

Time passes.

To be more specific, almost three quarters of a year pass. Vic is close to finishing his freshman year of college now, and the trees have finally become full with leaves once again, the late spring of 2016 bringing with it both warmth and fear. In all this time, Vic's relationship with Kellin has developed tremendously, and that is why the warmth and fear both grow as the days fly by. The warmth is not only literal, but figurative; it's the feeling that Vic gets whenever he's around Kellin, the familiar feeling of love. The fear that comes with the warmth doesn't need much of an explanation at this point.

They have sex for the first time on a Friday night in mid-May, a moment that is scary and unfamiliar and blissful all at once. It's wonderful, of course, but Vic knows this happiness isn't going to last much longer. And he's right, because the night immediately after that, a cool Saturday evening, it happens.

They're not even doing anything in particular, just lying together in Vic's bed in his dorm room one evening, when he first hears the shifting and shaking of the room. It's unmistakable after hearing it so many times, but Vic's heart still starts to race in anticipation, even though he already knows exactly what's about to happen.

"What is it?" Kellin asks lazily, his head against Vic's chest and his eyes closed. This is probably the last moment in this lifetime that Vic will ever see Kellin looking so peaceful.

"Nothing," Vic says quickly, instinctively holding his boyfriend closer to him. He's learned that sometimes it's better to keep his lover ignorant.

The next few moments, the calm before the storm, are always the most agonizing. Vic wants to say something, but he doesn't want to ruin the comfortable silence, so he just keeps his mouth shut and waits for the demons to appear. It should be any moment now, and when they come, they put a sort of cloak around their attack zone so that no one can see or hear anything. In this case, they're going to be surrounding the dorm room so that if there are any screams, no one on the outside will be able to hear.

"Kellin," Vic says softly when he's sure he can hear them coming. "I want you to know that I—"

His statement is cut off and turned into a scream, his body jerking wildly as he feels the demons taking control of him. Then, a split second later, he can see them in the air, ghostlike things that jeer and moan and screech. Kellin shoots up into a sitting position, his expression changed to one of confused terror as he turns his head every which way.

Vic tries not to cry out, but as the demons swirl around him, wreaking havoc in his body, he can't help but let out a series of agonized screams as he twists every which way. Kellin is staring down at him helplessly, suddenly looking like he's on the verge of tears. "Vic, what the fuck is happening?"

It always happens this way: the one who remembers dies first. The demons get a kick out of watching the oblivious one cry in sadness and confusion and horror as their lover is killed before their eyes. Kellin doesn't even know what's going on or why, and the heartbroken, terrified look on his face destroys Vic.

The worst part, though–the worst part is the last few seconds, when Vic is gasping for breath and Kellin can do nothing but watch, because in those final moments, the demons grant Kellin his memory right before they kill him. Vic can see the exact moment when it all comes back, when Kellin's eyes widen in realization and true horror, as he chokes out Vic's name in shock and desperation, that one word filled with all the love that Kellin has ever felt for Vic in all of his lifetimes combined. It's only a few short seconds, and they're always the most painful seconds—both physically and emotionally—of Vic's life, because they're always so close yet not close at all. The demons tease them, giving them a taste of memory before Vic takes his final breath and is forced to shut his eyes on the world. In a few short moments, Kellin will be the same way, and then their vicious cycle is going to start all over again.