I'M HIS | BOOK 1 | BOYXBOY

17: "...good together."

Another day, another school day. I sat in Global class trying to keep my eyes open. Angel and I had scooted our desks to be a bit closer to each other. Ms. Papadatos didn't seem to mind at all. Angel would sometimes slowly move his hand over to mine and hold it behind the desk. I didn't care if anyone saw since most of the school saw us at the Halloween dance, but it felt a little wrong sometimes. I think we were both still dealing with that residual gay fear most people felt.

    The normal fear of walking down the street and trying your best to not show PDA. Holding hands or even a quick kiss can sometimes lead to many people/couples' deaths. We've all seen it on the news and most of the time it's never a happy ending.

    So far we haven't had any pushback from anyone, not from school, not from our parents. We had to consider ourselves lucky because both of us being people of color and having parents who can sometimes be traditional, we have pretty accepting parents.

    I still remember when I came out. It was back in California during the summer break between seventh and eighth grade. I was beginning to . . . explore myself and watch funny videos online. Thankfully my parents didn't find the videos I was watching, I was spared that uncomfortable and embarrassing outing. They did however find my old tumbler which I thankfully never reblogged videos on. It was filled with girls, guys, and glitter. A lot of queer-friendly posts and stories. Cute gay couples I used to wish were me.

    My parents sat me down that night and told me how they felt about the LGBT community. They expressed that they wholeheartedly supported the community. Speaking on their experiences they've had growing up with their queer friends. My dad told me about an aunt he had growing up who the family cut off because she was trans. My mom told me about her best friend in high school who was a gay man. His story ended sadly when he was jumped by a few guys at school. His life was taken from him and she said that incident pushed her to study law, so no one can get away with what happened as those guys did.

    It was then that I ended up telling them how I was feeling. I was still young and only expressed my interest in guys. My dad told me that it didn't matter who I end up dating or being with. What mattered to them was me being happy and able to rest easy with myself and my choices. Obviously, they weren't calling me being gay a choice, it was just them speaking boldly in the long run of my life.

From then on I lived as my true self. I wasn't as confident with my sexuality in seventh grade as I am now, but it took the little steps that really helped me along. My two friends back in Cali really helped me be comfortable in school. They made sure I knew I could be me around them and my secret would be safe from the bullies. I've come a long way, I wonder how much Angel has grown.

+

A study date was the perfect way to close out the week. I wanted to spend time with Angel and hear his thoughts about the questions that have been bugging me. As we entered his home we walked through the living room and into the dining room. I put my bag down on the table and he did the same. He stepped into the kitchen asking me if I wanted a snack. I told him no but he still brought out some apple slices for me telling me I needed to have something. He placed the bowl in front of me and kissed my cheek stepping back in to grab some water bottles.

I took my books out and unzipped his bag grabbing his textbook. I forgot mine at home that day. I opened it and a piece of paper fell out. I debated whether to pick it up or not but I decided it wouldn't be anything important, you don't keep important papers in a textbook. On the paper was a sketch, it was a few panel sketches, almost like a comic. The first panel showed two guys putting on ice skates, the second was them learning, and the third was one crashing into a wall.

I laughed and he stepped out of the kitchen just in time. "I hate you so much." I teased him.

"You found it?" He rushed up and looked at the paper in my hands and laughed. "Do you like it?"