I'M HIS | BOOK 1 | BOYXBOY

19: "I don't think I'll ever be ready."

The letter has been sitting in my drawer for this entire week. My birthday was right around the corner then Christmas. I wasn't sure whether or not I was going to wait to read it or not. My eighteenth is two years away and knowing that my birth mom has written something for me to read was killing me. I still haven't told anyone else other than David, Angel didn't even know. I wondered if I should've told him or not but I decided not to. He was already so focused on his dad's case, putting together his portfolio and giving his testimony, that I just didn't see a reason to make it about me.

    We were all meeting up tonight for Jame's party that he was DJing at. He had told us to get there a little later and so we've all sat in our homes waiting for David's text to let us know when to leave. I tried my best to stay away from my parents while I was getting ready. In fact, I was staying away from them a lot this week. I didn't want to regress any progress we made the first time so I did try my best to hang around with them. It was just crappy feeling like I was the only one putting in the effort to mend whatever we had left. I wanted to take David's advice. I really dissected what he told me and wanted to rest easy at night knowing that I was at least trying.

    Of course, I kept everything he told me between just us two. It wasn't my business to tell anyone his life story. As tough as it sounded, that was his struggle. I can only try to be there for him when he's not feeling as strong. I have no right to ask anyone about his story or tell anyone about the difficulties he had to overcome. I wish he knew how much I loved and respected him for growing so much from all that pain.

    DAVID: "Let's roll."

    The second I got his text I headed out of the house. I did say goodbye to my parents this time and slipped on my jacket. One final check in the mirror and I opened the door heading towards the bus. We decided we were all going to meet at the house itself. I hadn't been to a high school party yet. This was the first time and I definitely was a bit nervous. I know most people would be from our school with a few more people from the other surrounding schools. From what I'm told James always throws this party as a bit of an early Christmas bash for the kids who didn't have a family to spend the holidays with. At least this way they would spend it with friends.

If you ask me he probably started this for David.

Traveling was bumpy. The NYC roads were no joke and the bus drivers didn't care about running into potholes. If anything it was probably a game to them. One pothole and they get ten points. I got off and Angel was waiting at the bus stop for me. I didn't expect it at all, he told me he would be by the house. I smiled and he greeted me with a hug and a kiss.

"How many points did he get?" Angel smiled, taking my hand.

"You wouldn't believe me. He got sixty points." We started walking towards the party.

"Six potholes? Really?"

"It's like they want to destroy those buses."

We were a few houses away when we could hear the music blasting through the block. It wasn't hard spotting which house the party was at. The house was lit up with Christmas lights, the inside had colorful strobing lights that could be seen through the curtains. There were a few people outside on the porch having a drink because inside must've been too hot.

We made our way up the steps and walked into the open front door. There were a few people dressed in Christmas sweaters. Others were in casual wear and other girls and gays were popping off with their outfits. I looked around and saw everyone talking to everyone. It reminded me of when I first stepped into the school. Seeing how people just got along and didn't care about others' race, sexuality, gender identity, even social status. I loved it and felt welcomed.