I'M HIS | BOOK 1 | BOYXBOY

25: "A million and one loves..."

The morning started with a therapy session. My parents decided it was time we went as a family, but I had an hour with the therapist beforehand. I got to meet her and open up a bit about what I wanted to talk about. Thankfully she let me listen to my music the entire session. I had one ear plugged so I stayed engaged but I needed the background sound. It needed to drown out my thoughts so I could focus on the conversion--because if my thoughts ran wild I would deafen myself.

We had Angel's dad's funeral later today and after that James was leaving. It was a really bad way to start this new year. An awful taste to a horrible beginning. We were getting ready when my eyes caught outside my window. Since his dad's death, the sky hasn't looked clear. It's been cloudy and they said something about a snowstorm. I was kinda sick of the snow, to be honest. I try distracting myself all the time, it was the best thing I could do.

I try my best to focus on other things but I don't even have Angel to take care of. He's been distant and elusive. Cold and distracted. I tried understanding, after all his dad had just died. I had to understand this could be the way he's dealing with a loss. He's always been an isolated person. His mom had to work to support them all, his brother was older than him, by the time Angel was old enough and going through tougher life lessons, his brother was away at college. He's had to deal and process a lot by himself. Like when we first started, when he broke up with Jen he was cold and distant. That's how he processes and I needed to give him time with this one.

I was doing alright, at least I think so. I felt kinda guilty not feeling much worse, but I think I didn't feel much worse because a lot of my worries were about Angel. At least it was over someone I loved. The school was a drag, everything seemed so blue. Angel hasn't been since that day and we understood. He's been busy crying, planning the funeral, and grieving. My parents made some food and took it over for them. It was the least we could do. I think they somehow feel guilty themselves and somehow wanted to make up for it.

We were on our way to the funeral when my phone rang with a message from Lina and David. They both now knew about Angel's dad, they found out when Angel sent out funeral cards to friends and families. Angel permitted me to fill them in on everything that happened and I told them at lunch. They were shocked we were even able to keep all that a secret. Looking back now I guess it was a lot, but it didn't feel that way because we always had each other's support. Now we don't have that.

We reached the burial site and got out of our cars. The guys were already rigging up the casket to lower it into the ground. Everyone gathered around in a circle and the priest started his prayer. I was standing in front of my parents. Carolina and David were on each of my sides and James stood next to David. We all watched Angel standing next to his brother and mom. They were all staring at the coffin as it was lowered into the ground.

Eliad gave a little speech and then it was Angel's turn to speak. We watched him as he approached the stand and looked down at the small piece of paper.

"The void created by the sudden death of someone as beloved as my dad is still hard to grasp. He was someone we took for granted. His laughs, his stories, the way he has helped the community. I can still see his smile and thumbs up he would give us when we would play catch. I still remember his smell from this past Christmas. I remember the way his hugs felt and how long I wanted to feel it again." He started to tear up. "Thank you for coming out, I appreciate how loved my dad was. You'd think a man who spent the last few years of his life in prison wouldn't be this celebrated, but you guys somehow knew the better parts of him." Angel looked around and locked eyes with me. This was the first time in a week we've really connected. "I thank you all for coming." He stepped off the stand and headed over to the dirt. He grabbed a handful and tossed it into the hole.