the beautiful grave (book II)

losing grip

krista

When I opened my bedroom door next, Elliot was behind it, munching on a baked pastry roll. He gave me a quick nod before he launched himself onto my bed, devouring the rest before I joined him.

     Why had things changed between us? What made us be this way?

     I wanted to ask, but then he grinned madly. A sign to say he knew something I didn't.

     "I think Violet has the hots for Alec." Raising his eyebrows, he made me laugh. Besides, there was no way that she liked Alec, I'd already begun to establish that she'd fancied him when they met. I remembered that much, but nothing else, really. "What, do you think I'm lying? Go ask her then."

     I shook my head. I didn't want to talk with Violet right now. He was my only focus at the moment.

     Every time I looked at him now, I felt like I was doing something wrong. Which was totally untrue. I mean, he and I had kissed, that much is unforgettable, but that's it. I wouldn't dare ever go further, just in case it might ruin the friendship we have now.

     He's my best friend and I'm his. Surely he wouldn't try to jeopardize that?

     "We need to talk."

     Going by his sigh, I'd assume he'd heard this before. He swung to the edge of the bed, so we were side by side and knocked his shoulder gently to mine. It was supposed to be comforting, but it did the opposite.

     "I don't like it when you use that sentence on me, KK. It makes me uneasy." He shivered in jest, but the mirroring of his eyes against the bright sunlight told me his statement was fact.

     As we sat in the silence, I realized I didn't know how to start. How would I be able to tell him we could never kiss again, otherwise I fear we might get into a huge fight and then I'd lose him forever?

     There were no words.

     "When I told you over Thanksgiving that I needed my space to figure things out," He inhaled through his teeth, obviously knowing where I was going with this. "What did I mean?"

     He itched the back of his neck, an action I had grown accustomed to as his tell.

     "Well, you'd brought over some guy–"

     "I took a boy with me!"

     "Yeah, but I didn't think it was serious. For the most part, you were uncomfortable with the way your mom was flirting with him..."

     "I should've known."

     "Later that night, you met me in the bathroom and you apologized for the big outburst you had at dinner," Before I had time to interrupt again, he clamped his hand down over my mouth, laughing when I stuck my tongue out and licked between his fingers. "Consisting of your feelings for your mother and how your dad should grow a backbone. You also told your date you hated him."

     Hmm, must not have been a good guy then. Normally, I would've never gone for a douche. And if he was, then he must've been really hot. It could be my only excuse for dating someone like that.

     "Anyway, you came into the bathroom because you had something you wanted to say." I could tell by the look on his face that he was struggling to recite my words back. They must've hurt, I saw it in his cheeks. He sucked them in so hard I could distinguish the outline of his teeth.

     I didn't want to hear what pain I'd caused him anymore, I just wanted to lie back down on my bed and cry for a few more hours.

     "I forgave you for your rant at dinner and I... well, I..." I'd never heard him stutter before, but then again I also hadn't seen him blush before and that's exactly what he was doing now. "We kissed then, too."