Never Been

Chapter 34

ANGELE

"You will lie on a bed with a big machine over you. You will slowly enter a big oven" Seth exaggeratedly described as I was about to be inspected.

Actually, I hadn't slept very comfortable last night, because of whatever scary sh!t might have happened. Not about the CT scan. Like come on! That's so basic. Rather, on what will he discover from the results.

Yikes.

Moreover, the more he spoke about it the more I got nervous. Right now, all I wanted to do was to put my fist inside his mouth, so that he can keep it shut. Can you call that fisting? Oh crap!

"Seth, please. You're not helping," I said with a very angry expression.
"I'm totally not," a smirk appeared on his face and my cheeks turned as red as my hair. Why was he so wonderful? With that simple blue men's jumper and faded jeans. Mouth-watering.

"Angel will you stop that face and I will shut my mouth up in return." What the-
"Wha! What?!"
"You look like you're going to eat me," he uttered straight without further ado
"Excuse me! What makes you think I like you?" Oh! Of course I do, but that's just a secret between Nerdy, V and me.
He rolled his eyes at me and absent-mindedly licked his upper-lip.

Well, look at that.

"Ms. Hendricks?" A nurse called and I stood up, but my legs aren't moving.
"Hey! Off you go." Seth placed his hand at the small of my back and coerced me by pushing me to walk.
"You scared kitty?" He teased me with playful tone that I despised.
"I'm not a kitty!" I whispered loudly with aggravation.
"But you're scared." If I wasn't going to stop, Seth will not too.

He's unstoppable.

We entered a big room with light grayish-blue accent. A big machine in the middle caught my attention.

Dun-dun-dun-dun. In the tune of Mozart's piece.

Remembreing. I've been through this a hundred of times when you were a kid. Not a hundred though maybe a couple.

"Ms. Angele Hendricks," the male doctor spoke and goosebumps crept all over me.
"Y-yes," beads of sweat started running down my forehead.
"Kindly lie down," as he signalled his hands.

Seth moved to remove my eyeglasses. "Look up, chin up," Mr. Control freak ordered as I did so. We were facing one another. I had my face up and he had his down to reach my level.

My gaze was caught in his eyes. The light brown marbles he has. They're very bright and beautiful and they have unique black stripes. I continued my Seth's eyes analysis.

Where was I again?

Oh! The black stripes. Yeah, he has these black stripes in his cornea making his brown eyes different from others. Also, the lightness of his brown was very different that it was very near to gold.

"Let's go Ms. Hendricks," the doctor invited as I looked back at Seth, hysterically.
"Don't worry. I had the same thing and I did get out alive isn't it?" Yeah! Believe in yourself about that.
"But I just don't know in your case," Seth joked as my face went to Horrorland again.

I had no choice, but to lie down on the bed of truth torture. The light stunned me as the doctor placed the metal strains between my eyelids. My fingers were scratching the surface of the seat.

"Sir just wait for her outside," the nurse asked Seth to go out? Why?! No please! My teddy!

The blue light started to aim at its target. The battling lights combatted and all that's left for me was a free trip to the past.

*****

Pig snout! Pig snout!

The little kids with the coolest pencils bullied me and threw at me the saliva paper chunks they made out of their cavity filled mouth.

Pig snout. That's what they called me, for I was wearing a medical mask on me-- they assumed that I was Nina Ricci in the movie Penelope. They didn't know that I didn't want to wear this. The hurtful pneumonia I had, kept on ruining my life.

Angele, are you okay? Don't mind them they're just stupid.

The little Gentry Jacobs comforted me. He was the only who played with me and understood my Harry Potter predicaments. He looked like the mini version of HP back then. He was the only one who stood by me. My only friend.

Angel, where are you from? It's already late. Oh dear. What happened? You look depressed.

My mom scolded me for I went home at 7pm. It had been a year since Gen and I last saw each other. He volunteered to be my prom partner and we should meet at 3pm in a convenience store. Ii waited there 'til 6, but he's no show.

I cried myself to sleep blaming myself for everything. How stupid am I? I didn't realize that an ugly, geeky person like me will never be liked.

For several years, I believed that it was all my fault. I was not pretty enough, that's why people decided to leave me, including Gen.

I realized that I was stupid.

That thought came to mind when Seth told me
"you're very beautiful... you don't need the make-up sh!t"

At first, Seth and I were like fire and ice. I can really sense that he didn't like me. But after all that we have been through, it felt like he's a part of me that I cannot revoke. He was my hater, and now he is my friend. Eventhough, it's very hard to believe, I can say he's true and sincere.

Seth taught me how to love and defend myself, even during the time when he was crushing my ego. The more he threw exclamation points at me the more I realized that I wasn't worth it.

I, Angele Hendricks, do solemnly swear to be a proud feminist and to promote women empowerment in every deed I will do. I call all geeks, nerds, lesbians, and all women out there to stand for equality and self-love. I will never be ashamed to be like Eve Ensler, to make my own monologues and shout that I have a vagina and I'm not afraid to declare it.

"Good to go here," the doctor interrupted my internal speech.