Flashbacks | Zalfie

Chapter Seven

I wandered into the kitchen, arms wrapped around myself, to find Joe and my dad eating toast at the counter. There was an extra plate, which I assumed was for me, but I didn't want it. I wasn't hungry.

I never was anymore.

Joe looked up at me, alarm registering in his eyes. "Where's Ian?"

"Upstairs," I replied.

Joe immediately jumped out of his seat and raced up the stairs. My dad looked up at me with pity in his eyes. What had I done wrong?

When Joe returned, he was cradling baby Ian in his arms. "Zoe, he's a week old. You can't just leave him alone."

"He was only upstairs, Joe," I said, confused and a little frustrated.

"And?" he snapped. "You know, Zoe, I'm starting to think you aren't capable of looking after him."

I didn't say anything, shooting up the stairs as tears stung my eyes. Was he right?

He was, wasn't he? I was no good at being a mother. I was never going to be any good. My own brother wouldn't just lie to me. I was the worst mother out there.

Why did I fail at everything? I was never a good girlfriend to Alfie. I was a crap YouTuber, I hadn't uploaded in three weeks, and I was a shit mum too.

I found the bags that Joe had packed and threw them over my shoulder, walking back down the stairs.

Taking Ian forcefully from Joe's arms, I slipped on my shoes. "I'm going home."

My dad looked up, surprised. "Aren't you going to eat breakfast first, Zoe?"

I shook my head.

"Please, Zoe," Joe said. "You have to eat something." His eyes were filled with concern, but I didn't know why. He obviously thought I was a rubbish sister.

"No," I snapped. "Right now, I just have to be alone."

My dad hesitated before nodding his head. "Okay. But be safe and, please, call us if you need anything."

I nodded at my dad, forcing a smile, before vanishing out the door and down the long driveway.

Flashback

I was six months pregnant when we found out.

Alfie had been feeling ill for the past few weeks. It was nothing unusual, headaches, nausea, complaints of deteriorating eyesight. We thought it was just the flu.

But the day that he took the fit, I had had enough.

He was just standing in the kitchen, making toast and tea, while I lounged on the couch with Nala, when I heard a crashing noise.

In alarm, I looked up, to find Alfie's body on the floor.

I rushed over to it, calling out his name. And just as I knelt beside him, his body starting spasming.

It started with the fingers, a slight twitch, and then it spread up his whole arm. Soon enough, he was flailing, drool falling from his mouth.

"Alfie!" I screamed, sobbing uncontrollably. I didn't know what to do.

When it suddenly dawned on me that there was something seriously wrong and that he needed an ambulance, I grabbed the phone. I dialled nine-nine-nine and waited for an operator to pick up.

The heaviness in my chest was indescribable. It felt like I was carrying around fifty pounds of extra weight.

"Hello, what service are you in need of?" a calm, collected female voice asked.

"An ambulance," I gasped.

"Okay, miss. What is your address?" I told her my address in a desperate tone. "Okay. We're sending an ambulance your way. What seems to be the issue?"

"My fiancé," I replied. "He passed out and I think-I think he had a fit."

"Okay, well, an ambulance has been dispatched. Stay calm, okay? They won't be long."

"Okay, I will."

The line rang dead and I glanced down at Alfie. He had stopped fitting, but he was still unconscious. I dropped to my knees in front of him and stroked his hair out of his face.

When the knock on the door came, I simply called that it was open, and three people came rushing in, carrying a stretcher.

As a male and female nurse began to load Alfie onto the stretcher, a blond haired nurse smiled at me gently.

"Hello, sweetheart, what's your name?" she asked me softly.

"Zoe," I managed. "Zoe Sugg."

She nodded her head. "I'm Jenna. Can I ask what happened here?"

I swallowed, emotions raining down on me. "Alfie, he-he just fell. And then he started shaking a-all over and I don't know what happened."

She gave me a reassuring smile. "Okay, Zoe. Are you related to Alfie in any way?"

I shook my head. "No. He's my fiancé."

She nodded. "Okay. We're going to have to take Alfie to the hospital for a few tests. Would you like to come with him?"

I thought for a second before nodding. I couldn't leave him to go alone.

When the three nurses had managed to carry Alfie down the stairs and into the big ambulance, Jenna walked back over to me. "Okay, so you can sit in the back with Alfie, and let us know if anything strange happens okay? If he wakes up, don't worry about it, just tell us when we get to the hospital."

I nodded my head and clambered in, taking Alfie's large hand in my own.

We must've been about a third of the way into the journey when Alfie's eyes flickered.

"Zoe?" he groaned, his voice gruff.

"Alfie!" I exclaimed. "Yes! I'm here!"

"I don't feel good."

I chuckled, despite myself. "I know, Alf. We're almost there."

"Good," he said drowsily. "I love you, Zoe."

"I love you, too, Alfie," I said, tears irritating my eyes.

He passed out again after that, for the whole ride to the hospital.

When we got there, he was wheeled away and I was made to sit in the waiting room. It was so tense. My heart was beating so hard. The room was spinning, and the cries and shouts of patients and doctors were more like echoes than shouts. It felt like I wasn't really here, like I was in a dream.

When a tall, angular-jawed doctor came wandering out of the back doors with a sorrow filled face, I somehow knew he was here for me. I stood up, waiting for him to walk over.

As he reached me, he held out a hand and I shook it. His grasp was firm.

"I'm Doctor Oldly," he spoke in a deep voice.

"Zoe Sugg," I said, anxious to find out how Alfie was doing.

The doctor nodded and smiled sadly. "Yes. You may want to sit down, Pet."

Confused, I sat down. What was this? There couldn't be anything wrong with Alfie, could there?

He sat down beside me and reached out to stroke my shoulder. "This is going to come as a shock. We've carried out multiple scans on Mr Deyes, and I'm so sorry to tell you, that he has been diagnosed with a brain tumo-"

I zoned out after that, not hearing his words.

What?

He had a brain tumour?

Alfie had cancer.