Flashbacks | Zalfie

Chapter Eight

             "So, Zoe," spoke the middle aged therapist. "How are you?"

I snorted. "Don't you know?"

"Excuse me?" she asked, squinting her blue-eyeshadow-coated eyes.

"Don't you know?" I repeated. "My fiancé - the father of my child is. . . how do you think I am?"

"Finish the sentence, Zoe."

I knitted my eyebrows together. "What?"

"Denial is the first step of losing someone. Admitting that he's gone will help you, I promise," she said.

I shook my head rapidly. "No. No way."

She sighed. "Zoe, we're almost at the end of our appointment and we've gotten nowhere."

"I'm not ready," I said, swallowing the lump in my throat. "Not yet anyway."

She nodded, looking at me pitifully. "Okay. We can work on it next week. But while you're away, I want you to try your best to come to terms with the loss, okay? Try to force yourself into the real worlds, make a YouTube video or a blogpost. Can you do that for me?"

I sighed and nodded, before leaving the office with no intentions of going back.

Flashbacks

Alfie lay on the sofa, looking weaker than yesterday. It was a downwards spiral, but he hadn't looked this bad in two weeks now.

He was allowed to come home for a while, before he started chemo and would have to stay in the hospital. They told us there was a tiny chance that the chemo would take any effect on the tumour, but I had to believe. To hope, to pray. It was the only thing keeping me going right now.

I walked over and lay down beside him, resting my head on his chest. He used one hand to caress my huge belly - I was now six months pregnant - and the other to stroke my hair. He craned his neck to kiss the spot he was stroking.

"I think we should tell them, Zo."

"Who?" I asked. We had told everyone about the pregnancy and Alfie's brain tumour. Who was left?

"Everyone. The viewers," he said. "They need to know, Zoe."

I contemplated for a moment before nodding. "You're right; they should know. Let me set up the camera and lights."

Alfie nodded and, as I stood up, he placed a kiss on my hand. I smiled slightly.

I gathered my laptop and walked back over. I didn't want to make a fancy video, we didn't need one. We just wanted to tell people what was going on, and why we'd been so inactive.

Placing the laptop down in front of us, I brought up the webcam. Alfie managed to haul himself up and I smiled at him, kissing his cheek.

"Lets just use the same video, okay?" I said. "I don't want to strain you."

He nodded, his eyes glazed and distant as always.

I pressed record, and Alfie began taking, "Heyyyy, guys! So today I'm with Zoe!" It was as if he wasn't ill at all, and for a split second I forgot.

"Hey!" I grinned.

"Okay," Alfie clapped his hands together. "So, we have soon good news and some bad news to tell you. In fact, great news and horrible news. What shall we start with, Zo?"

I paused. "The good news I think, gorgeous."

Alfie nodded. "Well, we've known this for a while now, but we haven't felt comfortable enough to share it. We just needed to enjoy it on our own, and still do, so please, guys, keep this low key."

I nodded. "Yeah, he's right. I think we just need this to be something for us, and not for the whole world." Alfie nodded to me, telling me to tell them all. "Alright. . . I'm pregnant!"

Alfie grinned and kissed me on the cheek. "We're so happy, and we know most of you guys will be too." He took a deep breath. "But now, onto the bad news."

I felt a lump form in my throat and tears fill my eyes.

"This is really hard to talk about, so I'm going to keep it short and sweet - last month, I became really ill, so I went to the hospital. They completed a few tests and found out I have a cancerous lump on the left side of my brain."

I swallowed, trying to drown my tears, but they resurfaced. A couple tears rolled down my cheeks.

"This is just really hard, guys," I managed, grabbing Alfie's large hand. I reached up and delicately patted away my tears, forcing a slight smile. "It's really hard."

Alfie wrapped an arm around me and pulled me closer. "Okay, guys, we're going to go. Thanks for watching and, just. . . we love you all."

He reached out and turned off the camera, sinking back into the sofa and allowing me to bury my head in his chest.

I so hoped the chemo would work.

Please, God, I begged, don't take him away from me.

PS. I made an account for original stories called @cchemicalattractionn, so please go follow me there!! :D