Looking Inside

Chapter Fourteen - Normal

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

HARRY'S POV

"Uncle Ned left us after two years. Saying he can't take us anymore and that he was done with babysitting two useless idiots. Through those two years with Uncle Ned, I've been depressed, lonely, mad at the world, mad at everyone, ESPECIALLY Ed. After mom's death, I really had no one to blame it on but Ed. He was, in the first place, the one who chose to shoot dad. But unfortunately, mom took the shot for him. It was the same for both of us. Anger boiled inside of him because of me. Why? Because I made a mistake. I admit. I made a huge mistake. And I'm sorry for it." I muttered as I continued telling Dawn my past.

*PART TWO OF FLASHBACK*

For the past two weeks after mom's death, I had been having troubles. Troubles with school, Uncle Ned, sleeping, eating, Ed, just everything pretty much. I hate everything. Everyone. Nightmares haunting me from that day, repeating images going through my mind whenever I close my eyes. I just can't sleep. I haven't been eating much lately either. Or socializing with anyone at all. I just keep my mouth shut. Keep my eyes staring out into the distance. Wishing all of this was just a dream. But it wasn't. It was reality.

I sat down on our doorstep, staring out into the distance in deep thought, like I've been for days now. "Harry." Ed whispered behind me. "Uncle Ned wanted to speak with you." He continued. Speak with me? Please. All he probably wanted to speak to me about is to ask if I had money he could "borrow". He always ends up using all the money on his gambling. He even had the guts to break the piggybank mom and I had kept for a long time just to get all the money we saved in there. I stayed quiet, ignoring him. "Harry." He repeated, a little louder as he placed a hand on my shoulder. I flinched away from his touch, moving away from him. "Don't touch me." I snapped.

"C'mon Harry, are we going to be like this forever?! Are you not going to ever forgive me?!" He rose his voice as I stood and turned to him, tears threatening to escape my eyes.

"Forgive you?! You think I could ever forgive you after what you've done to mom?! Yes Ed, we'll be like this forever!

"Harry I'm sorry okay! It was an accident! I-I know I'm g-guilty. I-It was all my fault. But please. I want my brother back. I want you back." Ed broke down into a verge of tears as I tried holding mine in.

"No. Nothing's ever going to change. If you can turn back the time, then maybe, you wouldn't have lost me. We wouldn't have lost mom. If you only controlled yourself and just left dad with us, we wouldn't be like this. But you can't. It's impossible. Just like how impossible it is for me to forgive you." I hesitated. I know my words had struck him badly. My own words had struck me too. Knowing time can never be turned back and mom will never come back to us.

"What do you want me to do? What do you want me to do so you can forgive me? Blame me? Fine! Blame it all on me Harry. Lash out all your anger on me. C'mon do it!" Ed challenged.

I turned my back to him, trying to keep my anger in, my fist clenched on my sides.

"Do it! C'mon Harry! Do it! What? Are you too coward to-"

My fist collided to his left cheek as Ed fell to the ground. Knees on each side of him as I kept repeating my actions, punching from left to right. I didn't even realize what I was doing until I saw blood on my fist and on the grass where Ed layed. Trembling, I slowly got off of Ed, realizing what I've just done. He layed unconsiously on the ground. What have I done?

*END OF FLASHBACK*

"Ed was brought to the hospital by people who saw the scene. I didn't know what happened. I couldn't control myself. It just...happened. After that, Ed earned sympathy from people. He made friends. Tons of friends. Friends who had a bad influence on him. Friends who drew him away from me. While I was left by myself. People avoided me. That wasn't the last time I released my anger on him though. It happened multiple of times. Eventually, I was brought to a phsychiatrist. They said I had bipolar disorder. They made me take pills to control myself. I'm not normal. That's why people don't like me. Because I'm not normal. I can never be normal again."