Lovely Madness // h.s. au

5. Leave

I led him down the hallway and into my bedroom. I placed his wine down on my nightstand and released his hand. Placing my hands on his shoulders, I pushed him until he was sitting on the side of my bed. He kept his eyes locked with mine. I start to walk away when his hands shot up and gripped my hips. My eyes widened for a second. I let my arms hang limply at my sides. 

"What are you doing?" He muttered.

 I shrugged. That was a really good question actually. 

"Giving a shit," I answered. 

"But why?" 

"Yes, you left me, but it's not the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I've never hated you. And now... I want you to be okay. If you're in trouble I want to help you," my voice got quieter with each word. 

"Riley..." His hands shifted slightly against my hips and my legs almost buckled underneath me. 

Physically, Harry was obviously the most beautiful man I had ever seen. But when he got physical with me... I could die. I almost had forgotten what his touch felt like. His large hands covered my hips and his fingers reached all the way to my back. The warmness of his hands seeped through my shirt. It was sixty eight degrees in here how is he so warm? I myself was getting kind of cold. Maybe if he could just wrap his arms all the way around me... No. God he was doing it again. Fucking bastard. 

"I've never hated you. You should know that. You left without saying anything and for some reason that didn't bother me as much as it should have." 

I needed to touch him. I shouldn't though. I know I'd regret it but I had to. Slowly, without even realizing it, my hand made its way up to his face. I cupped his cheek in my hand and he let out a deep breath like he had been holding it in. His eyes fluttered shut as I rubbed my thumb over his soft skin. 

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. 

"For what?"

 There was a clump of hair falling over his eye and it was pissing me off. I wanted to look at every inch of his face. I took my free hand and brushed the hair back. Holy hell, it was so soft. I could fall asleep in that shit. He let out another sigh. 

"I didn't want to leave. I thought I was gonna come back. You need to know that I would never choose to leave you."

So now I was curious. I don't know why I didn't want to know what had happened. Part of me thought maybe he has a whole secret family somewhere or, he had three months left to live. Neither of those thoughts should bother as much as they do. He walked back into my life today. It hasn't even been a whole day yet here we were. I wanted to resent him and hate him and kick him out. But something about him being here felt right. 

"You thought you were gonna come back?" I repeated. 

"She found me again, less than two hours after we first met and I couldn't get away," he sounded so ashamed. 

"I guess good sex has that power." 

As soon as I finished my sentence his head shot up. His eyes were wide and alert and he gripped me tighter.

"What? No! Yes I left for a girl but... I didn't fucking sleep with her. I'm not that bad of a person. Remember I was sick? She had something I could use," Harry desperately explained. 

Well fuck me right? I bit my bottom lip and looked away from him trying to hide my smile. So he wasn't unfaithful. That made me way too happy. 

"Was it illegal?" I muttered. 

"Yeah, which I didn't know until I met her. Which is why I knew you'd hate me for awhile. Her dad was part of that drug ring and he wanted me and... I couldn't get away. Riley I thought about you so-." He shut himself up quickly and I looked back at him.