Lovely Madness // h.s. au

16. Reminiscing

Harry and I had been friends for about a year before we were actually "Riley and Harry". He came to my middle school for eighth grade after he moved from Europe. In the beginning, I didn't even want to date Harry. He forced his way into my mind and eventually I couldn't help but considering what it'd be like if we were together. He had probably asked me out on a date about four times before I finally said yes. 

We were fourteen at the time so of course I didn't consider anything before sixteen as a real date, but he did. All of it was so real to him. After he had left it made me realize how I shouldn't have taken those first two years for granted. Of course he's back now though and I don't know what I feel. 

"It's hard to imagine Natalie having a child," he muttered. 

"You were the only child she didn't like, that's why," I smiled at him. 

Harry gave me a soft smile before he looked down at his feet, seriously thinking about something this time.

 "What?" I asked, putting my hair back up into a better ponytail. 

A deep breath came first before he looked up and ran a hand through his curls. 

"Maybe she was right," he bit his lip. 

"About you?" That was bullshit. 

Siblings who are close will always make up whatever they can to avoid someone else entering their life. I never believed Nat HATED Harry. More than anything she didn't want me to get hurt. She just made these wild assumptions and theories in efforts to get our parents disapproval and mine. It never worked, Harry was too nice to do anything she said.

 "Yeah." 

Oh cry me a river, why was he being so emotional all of the sudden? 

"Harry, Nat said nothing but a bunch of bullshit about you because she didn't want me dating anyone. She was my older sister, that sort of thing is expected. You never used me for anything, you never lied, you never did anything bad to me. The only time my sister was ever right about you was when we went to prom junior year and she said that you weren't a total asshole," I said. 

He smiled at that, he almost looked like he was reminiscing. I walked past him and started walking back towards Simone's room.

"Were you having a nightmare last night?" His voicefollowed me. 

I stopped and stared straight ahead of me. In high school, Istarted having these nightmares. My parents' relationship became even morestrained and I was stressed out about everything. I had this recurringnightmare for about a month before I talked to one of my cousins who was atherapist. 

I'd be standing in this building, enclosed by four white walls, andit was dead silent. Then out of nowhere, everyone I loved would come from thefloor: first Natalie, then my parents, Harry, my friend Dana from school, andthen my grandma. We'd all just stand there and talk but then it'd start to rainand it wouldn't stop. The rain would fall so hard that it'd fill the wholeroom. Everyone floated to the top and at a certain point no one could holdtheir breath anymore. Everyone would sink to the bottom of the room one by oneand I'd have to watch. It was bizarre and weird and freaked me out.

 "No. Itwas... a dream I guess." 

I didn't really understand what that was. I felt like itwas what I had wanted to happen. Harry's whereabouts and why he had left wereknown now. It was like I was at peace with something that had been tormentingme for so long. My brain took the new information and created the idealscenario for the situation. 

"You guess?" He came closer to me and I turnedaround. 

"You were in it. It was just you and I. I think it was what I wanted tohappen between us," I muttered. 

"What do you mean?" His eyes explored my facelike he was looking for an emotion. 

I wasn't going to give him one. 

"We were inthis building. We danced and talked and you apologized for leaving me. And you...kissed me," I said the last part so quietly I wondered if he had even heard me. 

His eyes were more open now and he licked his lips. 

"I apologized for leaving?" 

That was a smart thing to focus on. 

"Yeah. It was before you had left, like wewere eighteen again. You apologized for what was about to happen and you toldme you loved me," I said. 

I grabbed each of my arms, suddenly feeling cold. Thiswas a dream I had, but it felt like feelings. I hated talking about myfeelings, especially to Harry. He just stood quietly for a second, interpretingeverything I had just said. 

"I wish I could've done that. Said goodbye. Let youknow that I'd be back," he murmured. 

Fuck. I knew he hadn't really said much,but he actually did. Sometimes he could say the simplest things and they pulledon my heartstrings. 

"Well you got lucky right? You didn't know if you'd comeback," I replied. 

"I didn't know if I'd get out. I knew that if I did you'd bethe one I went to." 

This was happening too often. These conversations aboutwhat we would do and how life would be if he had never been gone. I didn't likethem, I wanted to move on from Harry. I told myself that I had, but there wasobviously a reason why I hadn't dated anyone in those four years.     

A/N

long time no fucking see my peeps!! it's literally been like a year and I'm sorry it's just I wasn't getting any reads but like  I've been writing stuff for this story in all this time but no one was reading so i just kinda stopped updating lol sorry, gonna try to do some more promo or maybe find a new site bc i love this story and really wanna share it with the world, sorry again amigos te amo :)