Underwater. ||h.s.||

chapter nine.

Imagine a kid at the zoo. It's their first time seeing the tigers in captivity and the gorillas as they roar about. They aren't speaking, but their eyes are saying it all; how exciting it all is.

That was me as Rory, Calum, and I landed in Baltimore. I had a window seat but there was nothing but clouds and turbulence in the sky. When we landed, there was nothing but sticky weather and the promise of a reunion for a girl and a boy. Rory sat between Calum and I to diffuse any argument we were meant to have. I caught myself glancing at him every once and a while, trying to read his expressions. All I got from him was bored and irritated.

He was sweet enough to grab my small carrier bag for me as I limped. I tried to smile at him, but he kept looking away from me.

Rory sort of pushed me along so that I could spare myself the heartbreak. "He's just gonna have to suck it up," she whispered when we neared a taxi. She ended up sitting in the middle again during the ride to the hotel.

I wanted to grab his hand and tell him that the trip wasn't intended to make him feel any less of a man. He was my therapy, and whether he was my boyfriend or not, he'd always be my therapy. I was selfish not to let him go even when I was the one that wanted to end things, but what could I do?

Our concierge helped him carry his things up to his room and even then, we didn't say a word to each other. It was a quiet trip which was something I didn't expect at first.

Rory and I decided as she swung her bag over her shoulder that we would have separate rooms. She didn't know when she would run into Quinn, but she wanted the privacy. Same for me, even if no one would be in my room other than me.

Grabbing my room key and dragging my bag along, I decided that for the first day in that week, I wasn't going to meet with Harry. I informed him that I would arrive that night, but I'd tell him that I was tired.
Maybe it was time that I stopped thinking for myself and thought of someone else.

As I put my stuff away and got comfortable in the room that I'd spend seven days in, I imagined Calum sitting alone in his room, rethinking three years ago.
It would be a waste for him to do that when the girl that he wasted so many feelings for sat three doors down thinking the same thing.
Tonight, I thought to myself, I'd visit Calum.
7:31 PM

The benefit concert was coming to an end. I texted Harry and told him that I'd join him for brunch if he was up for it. He sent me a picture of bacon as an answer.

Before going down to Calum's room, I stood in front of a full-fledged door mirror in the marble bathroom. My cheeks weren't as red as they used to be, and my eyes seemed a dimmer turquoise then they were two weeks before. Now wasn't the time for self-evaluation, but I wanted to look...okay for Calum. As a friend and nothing more.

I took my hair down from its ponytail to cover my bare shoulders in the skimpy tank top I wore. The only things that looked covered were my legs. I decided to go sans socks since I'd probably go to bed right after my visit. As I faked a smile at my reflection, I desperately hoped that he'd let me in.

Clumsy-me swiped the room key into my pocket and accidently nicked myself from the sharpness. I ignored the sting and walked out.

I knocked on Room 3119's door and wriggled my polished toes in anticipation. This would be a long night if he didn't open up.
As the seconds started floating by, I started coming up with scenarios on why he wasn't answering the door.

1) He was looking through the peek-hole and silently cursing at himself.

2) He was in the lobby getting ice for his soda.

3) He was on the phone with his new girlfriend.

4) He was calling his mother, telling her he'd be home for Thanksgiving...something I should've been doing instead of annoying my ex-boyfriend.

Just as I had a sudden change of heart, the door opened.
Behind the door of Room 3119 was Calum in nothing but sweatpants. My eyes immediately found contact with his collarbone tattoo and then traced down his stomach for his continental abs region. In other words, he had a really nice body and I couldn't get used to that even if I tried.

"...Erin?" My eyes snapped back up to find him groggy.

"Did I wake you?"

He looked down at the watch on his wrist before shaking his head and yawning.
"No. I was waking from a nap. Something wrong?"

I slid my hands into my pockets and shrugged. "I just wanted to hang out with you."

He didn't think for a second longer as he opened his door up to me. I limped in and took in the scene of a muted television and several cans of Dr. Pepper being opened on the table next to his bed. I smiled because I always wondered what made Calum comfortable. Once...a long time ago...I even wondered how it'd be if we lived together.

"Your friend cancel on you?" he asked, kicking his shirt partially under the bed.

"No. I canceled on him."

He smirked and I realized that it was the same thing he'd said to me on our first date.
"For what?"

I sat down on the edge of his bed and looked down at my left leg that dangled more than my right. I didn't want to talk about Harry with him. I wanted to talk about us.

"When we first met, you never asked me what was wrong with me," I mumbled. I slid my hand down my thigh and looked up to see Calum trying to figure me out.
Scratching his shoulder and transitioning to sit next to me, he huffed.

"I thought it would be mean if I did. Plus, I didn't care about it. I-I cared about you and your eyes...the limp was a perk. Meant I could care for you a little more."

I scoffed at his confession. Calum's reason for liking me wasn't out of pity, but because he truly wanted me. I could only guess how many pieces his heart shattered into when he found out about Harry and I. "You think it was for nothing, don't you?"

"I dunno what you mean..." he said, genuinely confused.