Who Are You?

XVIII

They sat down in the living room and Stevie could tell, how nervous Lindsey was. Did Kristen change her mind? Does she want Lindsey in her life after all, as her man? Or is it something with the baby? God, I hope and pray everything with their son is okay.

"Come on, Linds. Tell me." She shifted closer over to him, placing a hand on his leg. 

"I don't know what got into her." Lindsey sighed, leaning forward as he clasped his hands. "We went to see Kristen with the twins and everything was going fine, until she asked if I could get us some privacy. The girls left us alone and then she looked at me, saying she did some thinking."

"What about exactly?"

"Kristen decided that she is too young to be a mother. She realized it's not what she wants. She doesn't want to dedicate her life to caring for a baby yet."

"But she's seven months pregnant! You don't just decide things like that when you're so far gone in your pregnancy! What does she plan on doing?"

He knew just how protective Stevie was of her daughters and how much she loved them, he knew this would enrage her. "She wants... well, to give the baby to us."

"Give the baby to us? A little human being is not a thing you can pass over whenever you feel like! I can't believe what I'm hearing..."

"I thought you wouldn't want him."

"What? Lindsey, I never said I didn't want your child. I just... Well, I'm shocked by how immature Kristen is acting." 

Lindsey stood up and made some space between them. "You don't want him, because he will be part me and part her. It won't be our child."

"Honey, listen to me." Stevie walked up to him, trying to take his hand, but he recoiled from her touch.

"I think I know perfectly how you feel about this. I don't even need to ask you anything. There's no way you will allow my son with another woman into your family!"

She stood back, hugging herself around the middle, as her eyes began to well up. "Lindsey, I didn't say that! I said I simply cannot understand how a mother can realize she doesn't want her baby. You're just assuming all of those things!"

"I'm sorry we couldn't have our children, Stevie!" He yelled, throwing his hands up in the air, then they fell down by his sides. "But I'm not about to give him up. I'm not!"

"LINDSEY, STOP! I AM NOT SAYING I DON'T WANT TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR SON!"

"I..." He shook himself mentally. "I need to go out for some time. I need some fresh air."

"Wait, don't leave like this!" Stevie begged, but he didn't listen, ignoring her pleas, as he ran out the door.

Confused and concerned, because of what just happened, Stevie felt sick to her stomach. Why did he explode like that? Did I say something wrong? What gave him the intention that I wouldn't let his baby into our family? Did we use to fight like this over nothing all the time?

Stevie decided the best would be to lay down for a while. She didn't want to make herself go crazy with worry, wondering what Lindsey was up to. She drifted off to sleep, almost as soon as she lay her head on the pillow, recently, any emotional event exhausting her completely. 

"You can't do it, baby please..." Lindsey was kneeling in front of her, at their shitty apartment. He was crying, holding her hands in his. "We can make this work, I swear!"

"How? Tell me how exactly, Lindsey? We're poor, we don't have food for ourselves sometimes, we're always late on paying the rent and you're saying we'll make it work with a baby?"

"I know it doesn't sound believable, but I can't even think about you terminating the pregnancy! I want us to have a child, more than anything! If you want we can go back home, forget about the music thing and just leave. Steph, this baby is way more important to me than anything else."  He spoke, his hand laying across her stomach.

"No, Lindsey... I'm sorry, but I have decided. We've worked too hard, I have worked too hard to go back now. I love you, baby, I love you so much. And we'll have many little kids running around once we're solid on our feet."

"Stevie, please..." The look in his eyes shattered her heart into a million pieces, but she shook her head sadly. 

"I'm sorry."

Stevie woke up from her nap, breathing heavily. That... That couldn't have been just an extremely vivid dream, she thought, sitting up in bed. It had to be a memory, which definitely explained Lindsey's behavior earlier.

She got out of bed, hoping he was back by now. And he was, spending time with Aria and Mabel in one of their room's. Lindsey saw her standing in the doorway and immediately got up, taking big strides to her, pulling her to himself.

"Steph, I was such an idiot! I'm so sorry, baby... Please, just forgive my stupidity." He cradled her face in his hands. "I love you and I j-"

"Lindsey, I understand. I understand why you acted the way you did." She gave him a small smile, to tell him they were okay, as she then took him by the hand and led them to the bedroom.

"What do you mean, you understand? I don't understand it myself!"

"I think I had a flashback." Stevie said, as they sat down side by side on the bed. "It was a memory of you begging me to keep our baby... We were really young." 

Lindsey hung his head low, avoiding eye contact. "That flashback..."

"So, it happened? I was pregnant with your child?"

"Yes, but you thought we'd have other opportunities."

"Which we didn't."

"Which we did not." He repeated in confirmation.

"You see, I think that's why you got so upset, because I didn't say yes instantly, you thought I wasn't going to say that at all, it would be as if I was giving up on another child you and I could raise together."

Lindsey spent the next few minutes processing her words. "I actually think you're right about that. You could say I was terrified of you not wanting anything to do with my son."

"Linds..." She looked at him as if asking 'really?'. "I love you. We can't have our own children anymore, but this won't be any different when you think about it, even if i'm not going to be the birth mother. You love Aria and Mabel as if they were your own, right?"

"I do. I love them so much." He nodded, finally hearing what she was saying. 

"Stop worrying, baby, okay? I'm still shocked Kristen doesn't want to raise her baby, but you and I will and he'll go on to do wonderful things."

"I don't deserve you, you know that?" Lindsey embraced her in his arms, kissing the top of her head. 

"Yeah, well. I love you, so consider yourself lucky." Stevie smiled, looking up at him.

Had she honestly thought it through? No, but she wasn't going to make Lindsey choose; her or his baby, either. She did love him, as he did her, she wasn't going to end their relationship because of something like this. There were no doubts in Stevie's mind, that one way or another, this time they will make it work.