𝑰𝒍𝒍 𝑭𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 ✎

[41]

Vaidehi

I am pregnant. Atleast I think I am.

I have had my doubts for an entire month, after I missed my monthly cycle last month. But then the way Raghav has been behaving the entirety of last month has given me an unmeasurable amount of stress, so I tried to chalk it up to stress being the reason.

However, it's the second month now, and it's way past my normal date and my monthly has still not arrived, two months late has never happened to me before.
At this point I am quite certain there has to be a pregnancy. It's not a far fetched idea to be honest, drunk Raghav is quite irresponsible with pulling out and it has happened more than I can count on one hand in the last two months.

But here is the thing, I am not ready for this right now. Raghav's drinking has not stopped. In fact I could say it has only worsened, not a single night in the last two months has he been sober and there is nothing I can say or threaten him with that is making him reflect on his ways.
He keeps repeating that it's a choice he is making and it's not a dependency and that he will stop the instant his sober mind stops bringing up images of the last war or Yuvraj Samay to him. I know he blames himself for Samay's death and I can only imagine how it feels to have that kind of burden on one's shoulder but there is only so much me, his mother and father can try to explain to him.

Yes, I got his parents involved somewhere in the beginning of this month when I realised I can't handle this on my own, but nobody's words have helped Raghav realise he is creating a dependency on something harmful.

If I go to the royal doctor, it's a news that can't be kept on the low. It's a celebration. I will after all be carrying the future lineage of Mewar, so I want to avoid it. I want to avoid this news from coming out as long as Raghav doesn't change his ways.
It is sad honestly, because I want to cherish it. If there is a life growing inside me, I want to cherish it, soak it in, be excited about it, but right now, all I feel is dejected that it's happening at a time like this. That the night my baby was conceived was when his father was drunk off his wits to remember to pull out. I don't mind that it was not planned, even though Raghav always insisted that we will plan this decision well in advance, I never had any qualms about that. But at the very least, I don't want my baby to be associated with his father's drunkenness.

I have to share the news with someone though. Which is why when Aditi is oiling my hair, I confess.

"I think I am pregnant."

Her hands stop in my hair, I can practically hear the way her smile stretches across her face.
She jumps, her foot hits my back. I yelp in pain.

"Oh shit, shit, I am so sorry!" her arms wrap around me from behind and then she walks around to stand in front of me.
I let her pull me up and spin me around happily. Her happiness is almost contagious.

"Vaidehi! That is amazing news! You are going to be a mother!" She exclaims.

"Stop stop." I insist, trying to regain my composure, her spinning us around really spun my head.

"I am so sorry. I should be very gentle with you from now on, you are carrying a life inside you. We have to-"

"Aditi! Wait." I interrupt her from her ramblings. She stops mid word, her beautiful wavy fringes frame her face and her hair is in a bun. Her eyes that were excitedly beaming only a second ago, sense my hesitation in a snap and soften. Her features grow concerned. Always emotionally intelligent, my Aditi. I have not met a more perceptive and compassionate person than her.

"Raghav's drinking has gotten worse." I confess. One of these days I had confessed to her about Raghav's drinking habits, she was very non judgemental about it and tried to comfort me as much as she could, it did feel nice, to have someone unbiasedly sit and hear about Raghav make poor life choices. Because when I told his parents they tried to make excuses for him, I don't blame them it's hard to accept your very capable son trying to throw his life away. But with Aditi, it was exactly what I needed, she let me cry and complain and agreed with everything I said negatively about him and joined in respectfully. I tried to downplay it when I told her though, but today she needs to understand my concerns.