Modest Kisses

Chapter Eight.

I was angry. No, I was furious at Ahmid. I hadn't seen him since the night he put me to bed. The nerve of him. It only angered me the more that I was more worried than angry, most of the time I find myself wishing he was alright than thinking of ways to slaughter him.

The event of the other night hit a nerve on both of us, but for some reasons I felt like it hit a nerve on Ahmid more. Maybe because of his incapability of dealing with stress or pain or his confusion regarding how else to prove his worth, considering his recent effort had been shattered. He shouldn't have to prove anything to me, if he only understood that I just needed him to be the best version of himself.

Today was Monday and I was starting university today. I had no idea whatsoever on how to get there neither did I know where it was. Nana was still on her babysitting mission and Ahmid was MIA. In fact, the only reason I knew Ahmid slept at home was the used coffee mug in the sink and the missing remnant of dinner from the fridge.

I was clad in a long sleeved jersey top, jeans and a matching headscarf and shoes. I looked like the 19 year old I was and the only give away that I was married would be the wedding ring on my ring finger.

Taking another deep frustrated breath, I pulled a handbag from my closet. I was adjusting the straps when I heard a light knock on my bedroom door. I was on alert because as far as I was concerned, nobody was home. Heart beating fast and a nearby shoe in hand I answered.

"Come in". Then I saw Ahmid come in with two mugs on a tray in hand. I heaved a sigh of relief. Too relieved that I wasn't going to have to deal with a burglar that I forgot to be surprised that Ahmid was making an appearance.

He chuckled when he noticed how startled I was, "You were scared right?" He asked.

"You have no idea" I answered and he chuckled some more. Then I remembered I was supposed to be angry with him.

"Where have you been?" I asked as I moved closer to have a better view of him.

"What do you mean where have I been? I have been at home, work" he shrugged as he passed me my cup of hot milk and took a sip from his coffee.

"Thanks" I mumbled "You know what I mean, don't play dumb with me"

"There was work in the office, I just had a lot to do" he said as he took a sit on an armchair and motioned for me to sit too. I sat on my bed

"Don't lie to me, we both know that's not the reason" I said not taking his lame excuses funny at all.

He groaned and then said " I needed space, I didn't know how to face you, I didn't know what to expect, what to say if you decided you wanted to leave" he said.

'Leave' its funny how it was constantly on his mind and I haven't even given it a thought in a long time, but I wasn't going to tell him that.

"Please say something, you are making me nervous" he whispered.

"I honestly don't know what to tell you, its funny how we were both thinking different things" I replied.

"What were you thinking of?" he asked as he took another sip.

"I was just thinking of how I was expecting us to talk it through but then you weren't around and I was worried if you were handling it well, you don't deal well with pain and-"

"You were worried?" he cut me off, he must have seen the confusion written all over my face because he elaborated further  "you were worried about me?" he asked. The amount of joy I saw in his eyes almost pushed me to tears.

"Yes, why wouldn't i? I mean, it's normal to worry about you" I finished. I always forget that little things like worry, or care or love were luxuries to him. Luxuries he wasn't really able to afford. I looked down at my cup trying to avoid his gaze, I hate when I catch raw emotions in his eyes. It made me feel things I didn't want to feel, it made me want to put his feelings before mine. It made me do things irrationally.