My Saving Grace (book 2)

September 1, 2025

Alex's P.O.V.

Toby and Jessica soon went back off to school. I dropped them in early on the first day and headed back home where Scott was waiting. We moved in silence. Only the occasional conversation moving between us. But both of us were extremely caught up in our heads.

If anyone were to walk in at that moment they would have felt the tension in the air. We both hadn't slept in two weeks, only getting an hour here and there. We were both exhausted and emotions were running high. Could you blame us really?

I had finally come to terms with Noah dying. I still hadn't fully forgiven myself for not being there. I still felt like it was my fault. But there was nothing I could do now. He was dead.

The nightmares were still happening but I had stopped talking to Scott about them. He just hugged me until I went back to sleep again. Which was great but Scott and I didn't seem to talk about anything recently. We barely exchanged a single word over meals. The only chatter coming from the kids. Who didn't seem to talk as much either.

Scott was sat at the kitchen table, tapping a pen against the wood, a notebook resting under his free hand. He seemed to be spaced out. I wanted to talk to him. Comfort him. Forget about what had happened over the past few weeks and just talk like we used to. But that tapping noise was etching into the back of my head.

Tap.

Tap.

Tap tap.

Tap.

I stared at him hoping he would get the message to stop but he wasn't paying much attention to me. He stared ahead, stuck in his head. God I wanted to just go over there and start up a conversation, unrelated to Noah or any of the kids. A conversation about what we were having for dinner or what music he was working. But that tapping noise.

Tap.

Tap.

"Would you stop that!" I snapped. He blinked hard, his hand freezing and his head turning to look at me. He blinked again, wide eyed at me.

"What did you say?" He asked, his voice hoarse from lack of use. I tried to calm myself but I was breaking and had to let out my anger some how. I couldn't stop my words before they were out of my mouth.

"I said, would you stop that! And clean your ears while you're at it, you seem to be having a bit of trouble hearing!" My words felt like knives leaving my mouth. I didn't mean them to sound angry or mean but I couldn't stop myself.

"Sorry, I was thinking about this song we're working on." He said, his voice calm. This was it. This was my chance to talk about something normal. But no, my emotions were running high.

"I don't care! All you do is work!" I snapped. What was I saying? Scott looked at me a little shocked.

"Well it does help put food on the table." Scott said, lightly. He was trying to keep me calm but I was already riled up. I could hear that tapping in the back of my head. The pen hitting against the table. Tap. Tap. Tap tap. Tap.

"And I'm completely unimportant am I? You barely even look at me anymore! Let alone do anything romantic!" I snapped. I was seeing red. Not even towards Scott, just towards the world. And this was my way of letting it all out. Taking it out on someone that didn't deserve it.

"O-of course not. Is that what you think?" Scott stammered, standing up and walking towards me. I stepped back as he reached out his hand. He took his hand back, looking hurt. Why was I intentionally trying to hurt him? He hadn't done anything!

"And God forbid I even think about us doing anything like that!" I mumbled. Scott frowned now, looking offended.

"What the hell are you talking about? If you're referring to sex than of course! Of course we haven't done anything like that and you know why?" I could see his anger now. His voice raised in volume as he made himself taller. "Because I don't want you to think that if I feel bad I'm just gonna use you for sex! I don't want to just fuck you and go! I want to be romantic but my mind has been taken up on other things recently!" He snapped. I stepped back a little.