Psychotic ||mgc||

Therapist

Hi.
I'm not writing that long today..I'm too sad...I've never been this sad before. I feel like I can never smile again..I feel like all hope is lost. The worst part is that I don't know why I'm sad. I don't even know what made me feel like this.

I had a terrible dream last night..it was about Luke. I couldn't sleep the rest of the night, too worried about him. He was..different..I mean he's always been different but it was scary..I was afraid of him. He was wearing the darkest shades of black and smelled like pure smoke...he was sick..and...he almost died..I don't want to remember it...

From one sad thing to the next...the medicine, like always, doesn't work. It barley even helps..Calum's used to it now..he hasn't killed anyone, yet, and I'm afraid that he's saving up for something heart wrenching..
yesterday Calum told me that he discovered something new about himself. He made it pretty clear that he didn't want to share what he had found but he held it over me when it came to making decisions..I just wonder what it is.

The only good thing in my life is this nurse Lena...she invited me to dinner...even though that's not realistic. I'm in a mental hospital, do you honestly think they would let me leave? Speaking of Lena..she's eighteen and extremely smart..smarter than me by far. And there's something different about her..I feel..weird..when I'm around her. My heart starts beating really fast and sometimes my face feels like it's getting really hot..maybe I'm allergic to her...hey I told you I'm an idiot.

The doctors are giving me a day without the straight jacket. It feels so nice to have control over something..even if it's my arms. I've been in this all white cushy wall room for about a month now..you can't not go insane in here..it's confining. Someone's at the door, bye.

Michael shut his journal and put it under his pillow.

As usual, Lena walked into the room in her purple scrubs. The only thing that was different was her facial expression. She wore a frown and tired eyes.

"What's the matter?" Michael asked as she walked over to his bed.

"Oh nothing!" She replied fixing her face with a smile "the therapist will be coming in to talk to you soon" she said not taking a seat.

Michael patted the space next to him "come on" he said offering her to sit down.

She took a seat next to him and sighed.

"I want to say something I usually don't say"

Lena looked over at him "okay" she said uncertain of what he would reply with.

Michael turned his head to face her "thank you" he said.

Lena smiled "you're welcome" she replied "so I talked to my mom about the dinner thing and she said only if you could go a full day without Calum...you think you can?" She asked.

Michael thought for a moment "for you, anything" he replied knowing it was impossible.

Lena smiled "thanks Michael" she rubbed his shoulder "just trying to get you out of this room" she said looking around.

"It's terrible being in here" he joined her in examining his small living space..or as he liked to refer to it, his dying space..because in a living space people live and thrive with the ones they love..not hide and cower from the ones they fear.