Forever and Always

Chapter 9

I drove my car to where ever. I was crying, my massacres smearing. But nothing mattered. I was hurting badly. People were beginning to think that me and Harry were good for each other, while I was trying to sort my mind out. I pulled over at a bridge, where no one could see me. I looked down at the river. Blue and white, the current fast. Able to drown me pretty fast, which was what I wanted. I threw my legs over the railing. My hands still holding on as I stood on the edge. My heart began to beat faster, and sweat broke on my forehead. I released my hands from the railing, but I didn't feel water. I didn't feel my life being swept from me. But I felt a hand grab me, pulling me over the railing. His arms wrapped around me. My fists clutched his shirt. Tears falling out of my eyes, nothing being held back.

"Please don't do that again." he whispered, I nodded, and buried my face in his chest. Harry led me to my car. I guess he walked here. I was put in the passenger seat, and he drove. Harry carried me up bridal style in his room. He laid me on the soft pillows. Harry pulled his shirt over his head, and laid next to me. Then took his pants off, and got under the covers with me. I smiled as his arm slunk over my body. Pulling me closer to his. I felt safe, and butterflies swarmed in my stomach as he kissed my cheek. I knew he was asleep when his breathing was suddenly slow. I fell asleep quickly after.

The next morning I luckily woke up before Harry did. I realized that I had made a mistake. I had to get out of here. I tried to get away, but Harry pulled me close.

"You won't get away this time." he smiled, kissing the soft skin under the ear. I smacked him, and was able to get away from his arms. Harry shot up, anger taking over him. It showed in the once soft green eyes. Which were now a black, but his eyes had turned a lot darker before. Which I guess was sort of a good sign. We both knew he wouldn't hurt me, he was trying to be intimidating so he could take control. I stood at the side of his bed, my arms crossed. "Why are you so scared of being with me?" he asked. I knew he was hiding the hurt with a firmer, more angry voice.

"Because you've killed people! And you're still dangerous! Why would I want to be with someone like that! And all you want is sex!" I screamed at him.

"That was my past, I've changed!" Harry's voice began to rise.

"How many people have you told that to!" Harry just got angrier.

"Only you!" I thought about it for a few seconds, what if he had only told me this? He's only told me that he's killed people, and what had happened to him as a boy. Harry was now standing close, towering above me. Our hands met. "Please," he said softly. I had never wanted to kiss his lips so much, or anyone's lips, but I resisted it.

"Harry, no." I pushed him away. And walked out of his room.

"April!" he grabbed my arm. I turned to meet his eyes. It was the first time the pain in his eyes remained, instead of turning hard or into anger. He wanted me to see, what I was doing to him on the inside. Was I really tearing him a part? No. It was probably some act. "Stop telling yourself lies." he said.

"I'm not telling myself lies!" I said.

"See! There's one! You like me! I know you do! Yet you push your feelings away! Please stop!" he stepped closer. "Give me a chance." he whispered. I didn't know what to do. Harry was right. I was pushing my feelings away, but I guess I don't know why. When I was with Harry I felt safe, yet I wanted to deny all feelings for him because of his past. I shouldn't do that. My mother told me to never do that if someone loved you, but I wasn't for sure if Harry loved me. We hadn't known each other for very long, it had only been around 3 months.

"Alright, fine." Harry's face looked very pleased. I rolled my eyes and went into the kitchen to make some tea. He stood at the counter, waiting for the tea. I handed him a cup, and grabbed my own. His phone rang.

"What!" anger rose in his voice all of a sudden. "Fine, I'll be there in a few minutes." he grabbed his coat without any explanation. "Stay here." he said, I was shocked so I only nodded my head. The door slammed making me jump. There was a text from my friend.

"Where r u!?" Claire asked.

"I'm fine." I was not going to tell her that I was at Harry's.

"R u ok?"

"Yeah, i'm fine!"

"Alright, come home soon!!!!!"

":)" that was the end of our conversation. I wondered where Harry had gone. He seemed so angry, and so demanding that I stayed here. More than usual. I didn't need him getting into trouble, but I had a sickening feeling that it had to do with violence. What if I had to get him out of jail, I didn't need that!

I went through his apartment. I saw a few picture of him and what must've been his family. I hadn't told him what I had gone through, maybe I should when he gets back. Unless he isn't in a good mood. Hours paced before Harry barged through the door. He looked furious, and it looked frightening.

"W-what happened." I stuttered, damn I do that a lot around him. He smirked at my stutter, I rolled my eyes. What an idiot he was.

"Nothing," he said sitting next to me. I stood up, putting my hands on my hip.

"Tell me what happened." I said, Harry's jaw tightened.

"You wouldn't like it."

"Well I don't like you keeping secrets from me."

"I can't tell you." he said, I groaned.

"What ever, I thought you trusted me." I grabbed my bag and reached for the door knob. Harry's hand wrapped around my smaller one, turning the knob back. His other hand trailed down my back, then up to my cheek. I turned the knob, but his strength beat mine. I gave up, groaning again. "April! Why do you always storm off all dramatic?"

"I don't know! You did with your family!"

"They didn't know!" he stepped close, and I felt afraid under his gaze. "Don't bring them up." he said through gritted teeth.

"Well maybe I want to get out of here!" I yelled, showing him none of the fear I felt.

"Why! I thought everything was all fine! Now you're mad at me again!"

"Maybe I wouldn't if you didn't keep so many secrets from me!"

"This is the only one!" I groaned again, I'm doing that a lot too. After a while, Harry finally began to speak. "A guy my friends and I know beat up a girl I know, and they found him, so I went out and started to beat him up. The police almost caught us." I noticed the blood on Harry'a nails, and I'm guessing none of it was his. I looked at his biceps, they could easily kill someone with a few punches. Which was very intimidating. I looked at the floor.

"Can I just go back to my dorm." Harry nodded, who was looking at the ground. I walked past him, trying to get a glimpse of his face, but I was unsuccessful. I sighed and left, neither of us saying a proper good bye.

On the way home I wish I had been able to jump in that river. Maybe this wouldn't be so confusing, and maybe my heart wouldn't ache so much. The ache was very hard to identify. If it was of Harry, or all the secrets being kept from me, or maybe how complicated this has all become. All of a sudden my car began to slow down. The tank was empty. Shit. I pulled over, and hit my hand on the wheel.

"Damn car!" I yelled, and looked through my purse to find my phone. My phone was at Harry's apartment. Great. I'll be stuck here all night.

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