Dear Dan (Phan)

3

Dear Dan,
Guess who had an amazing great loving christmas!? Not me it was awful.
It all started going wrong from when the grandparents and aunts arrived on christmas eve. My Dad was so stressed, and told me that I should keep my 'abnormalities' to myself. *cough* writing to you, hating sports, and obsessive reading *cough*.
Well as soon as my relatives came in I was was going out to post my latest letter to you. The letter was snatched out my hand and ripped open by my sexist grandad in hope it was to 'a chick'. He managed to read the first few lines before I snatched it back, however he still did read 'Dear Dan, I have come to hoping that I am adopted, and not in fact related to any of the horrible people that are my family.'
I quickly ran out the house and stayed out for a good few hours. But being the spoon I am I was not wearing my coat. So I basically froze my butt of untill it got to the point where I had to return home. My Dad laughed it off in front of my family, saying I was 'always a little weird', however that was very much just a show. The entirety of christmas has been incredibly awkward and I have taken to hiding in my bedroom which kept my Dad happy as I was nice and out the way. But my relatives go home this evening and my Dad has been letting his rage build and build and build, and now as soon as the last great aunt or whatever steps out that door he is going to explode. I'm not sure what's going to happen to me, and yeah I have been really anxious since it happened, but now in all honesty I'm crapping myself. Please just kill me now.
From an incredibly petrified,
Phil Lester
1st January age 15
(Also six years of friendship today!!!)

Dear Dan,
My Dad has only ever hit me properly twice in my life. The first time was around six months ago about what I had written in that letter my grandad read, as I have explained previously we got into a row and I shouted at him 'what I wrote was true, I wish I was adopted.' That was when I felt his hand connect with my jaw. The pain was weird at first, I think I might of been because I was so angry that I couldn't feel anything else, or it could of been shock. I mean he has hit me in the past but they've always only been smacks never properly hitting. But this time it left a bruise, well a bruise for me a sick trophy for him. The second time my dad has ever hit me was two days ago. I had just gotten in from a very tough day at school where this guy stole all my possessions and placed them inside a toilet, so all my books where recked, well everything was recked. I walked into the lounge to watch the news as he was already sat there watching it. Big mistake. I'm going to point out now that my Dad has started to suspect I'm gay, it was going to happen anyway but I'm not going to ever come out to him, and he can't punish me, pack me off to boarding school and send me to a whole ton of Christian psychiatrists on a hunch. So I was fine. But hey you'll never guess what was headlining
the news!? Only a huge gay pride parade happening in London. Just great. So this is basically how the conversation went:
My Dad: F**king faggots. Blocking up the road to shove their filth down people's throats. Disgraceful, disgusting, let the police be brutal and get 'em off the streets is what I say.

Me: They only want equal rights.

My Dad: They don't deserve equal rights, they're unnatural. Bloody queers. We should go back to the old methods in my opinion-

And that is basically where I lost it. I started shouting at him about how people that don't live up to the normality with their sexuality are still people and aren't any different to anyone. That he is everything that is wrong with this world and is a terrible person that doesn't deserve the comfort he lives in. I mean what he said was beyond outrageous. But after I said that I felt a very hard fist in the stomach, knocking me onto the ground, making me gasp for air. He then bent down and whispered in my ear: 'you better not be a faggot. You're my son, you will not be more of a disgrace to this family than you already are.'
Isn't it lovely when your family are so kind and supporting? But yeah I'm pretty doomed really, and I'm not gonna lie to you Dan I'm really scared of him. You are the only person in this  world that seems to understands me, that cares about me and what I have to say. I know I've said this before but I really couldn't live without you.

Also I turn 16 in December and I'm going to come visit as soon as I can, I just need to find some money to fund train tickets first. Well I promised I would visit you when I was 11 and now soon I finally will. I literally cannot wait. It's going so weird to actually speak to you in person, rather than being the pen on the paper.
From a rather problematic,
Phil
2nd July age 15