Dear Dan (Phan)

4

Dear Dan,
Firstly Happy new year !! I hope yours was better than mine.
Secondly as you know I turned 16 recently meaning my mum will let me go visit you! I have been saving up since the summer but recently I have managed to find enough money to come up and meet you in person. The train tickets are booked for the 1st of February 'cause that was when they where cheapest (hopefully they weren't cheap then cause I'm going to be strapped to the roof or something.) So we have a months wait but I'm coming, I literally can't believe it. 11 year old Phil promised you and 16 year old Phil has not broken that promise. There's so much I want to talk to you about and ask you that I just know I'm going to run out of time , but now that I'm old enough to visit you I can just go when I like, as long as I have enough money of course. I have applied for a weekend job at the supermarket just down the road from where I live, that way I can use the money I earn from that to visit you. Well that's the plan at the moment anyway, although I'm not sure if I'll get in.

My Dad asked me yesterday if I have a girlfriend, or like any of the girls in my school. I don't know why I didn't just lie, but I told him no to both questions. The sneer on his face was sickening. He then told me that I needed to get a girlfriend in order to get any abnormal thoughts I might have out of my head. Great. Basically he is now almost certain about me being gay. Still just two more years until I can leave home and never come back, well just as long as I get into university. Although in the mock tests I did just before the holiday, I got top in the school so hopefully I'll be fine. I told my parents this expecting, well a little praise would of been nice. Why did I get my hopes up to get a positive comment about me from them? My Mum remeinder expressionless until my Dad grunted 'I don't remember asking for a swatty son?' Ahhh I love my supportive parents. Still I have meeting you to look forward to so I'm going to try not let anything get me down.
From,
Phil
1st January age 16

Dear Dan,
Last weeks letter from you never arrived (lost in the post?) But if there is something wrong please please tell me, even if you can only write a sentence. So I have put on my calendar 'meeting Dan' on the 1st February and now like the little kid I am inside I'm crossing off all the days on anticipation. I'm actually yet to tell my parents about going to meet you, cause despite what my mum said when I was I think 12 I don't think they would let me go. Fun is banned for me. However thats not going to stop me and come the first of February I'm sneaking out and leaving a note explaining where I'm going. It'll probably earn me a nice new bruise from my Dad but it's so worth it in all honesty. You are the only thing that keeps me going. I know this sounds so soppy but Dan without you I would be in a very dark place, if I hadn't already ended it all. I hope it doesn't sound weird but you mean the world to me. School has only been getting worst and shouts of 'faggot' seem to follow me wherever I go even though I never actually came out. My patents both hate me and I hate myself but you really keep me going strong.

I went back to school a few days ago which isn't fun, but we're studying the poem 'when a friend bids goodbye.' It's really sad but I also think it's very beautiful. The first stanza goes like this:
My dear friend,
close your eyes...
hold my hand,
and hear me whisper...
I would write up all of it but it's quite long and I want to post this letter tonight. But you can sort of get a feel of it from that.
I hope your letter turns up soon and you're alright,
From,
Philip
7th January age 16

Dear Dan,
I still haven't received any letters from you since Christmas and I'm really starting to get worried, of course I'm almost certainly overreacting but I can just feel uncertainty tugging at the insides of my stomach. Please just be alright, I'm sure you are, but please stay safe anyway. Christ I sound like an overprotective parent. But seriously though if there's anything wrong please just write and tell me straight away, or if I can't come on the first. I know this letter isn't strictly a week apart from my last one, but as you haven't replied I have broken the weekly system. Sorry. I must be such an annoying friend. Just remember you mean a lot to me, honestly without you I may be no longer walking the earth. Incase you haven't been able to post letters my home phone is: 08252 457126. I'm going to try and be first to answer the phone from now on incase you call, but if my parents pick us say your a teacher from school and you wanted to talk to me. I know that's a lot to ask, and if I was allowed a mobile phone I would of given you that, but I'm not. Seriously though just a call to say your alright would put my unrest to ease. Sorry I'm such a worry-ball.