Kiss the scars

PHIL'S POV

I watched; watched the blood flow from my arm, staining my bed covers. Everything seems so pointless, everyone hates me; my family, my school ‘friends’, my teachers, even the God damn neighbours!

“Hello heart, I told you he would leave you. You’re not good enough for anyone!”

“But Brain...I really thought that Sam was right for me. I thought I could trust him. I thought that he loved me,”

“Well you where wrong! No one likes you, you will never find Love.”

This happened a lot with me, my brain will tell me heart one thing but my heart will ignore it until it has been shattered into a million pieces. Its right, no one will love me; with all these cuts and scars up my body. But they help me, help me though school. You see everyone in the school bullies me because they think I’m gay. Well it’s true but to start off with it was just a rumour that I denied hoping that it would go away, it didn’t. People started saying things like

 “He slept with that hobo on the street,”

“He is a gay prostitute,”

I wasn’t, and I’m not any of those things...but I am gay. It’s not likes it’s the end of the world if I am. Who cares if I find guys attractive? When I was at my lowest point, this guy walked up to me. His name was Sam and he said he was gay too. We started dating, I finally found someone who loved me. But I was wrong. It was all a sick joke! Sam was in a different school to me and he knew people from mine. He pretended that he was gay just so when he moved to my school...he would tell everyone. But what he told them were lies; he said, “He forced himself onto me, he locked me in his room and tried to rape me,” I knew from that point on I was never going to trust anyone again. I was all alone.  

“Phil dinners ready!” My mum called up the stairs.

“I’m not hungry!” I shouted back. She walked away. Most parents would make you come down the stairs and eat what they cooked for you, but not mine. They just either threw it away or put it in the fridge so I could eat it later. I lay on my bed looking up at my ceiling, making patterns out of the lumps that where hanging above me. I was bored. Today was Thursday, which means I would have to endure another day of hell tomorrow. I sat up and scanned around my room, on my dresser was a journal; I forgot I had it. I picked it up and started flicking through the old pages full of the stories, problems and dreams I had when I was younger. I hadn’t written in it for ages, I would right in this book as if I was talking to a friend. In hope that one day someone would find it and read the passages I had left for them. I was flicking through the pages when about half way through the book the writing stopped. The last entry was 2 years ago, until now.

I wondered over to my desk, opening draws, looking under books to find a working pen. After looking in the piles of crap I have on my desk I finally found one. I sat at my desk, spinning on my chair. I looked down at the battered pages and pressed the ink to the paper, writing as if I was talking to a friend.

Hey, I’m sorry I haven’t spoken in a while things have been going on, bad things. At school there is this guy called Jordan and he started a rumour that I was gay. Whenever I walk past him he called me names like “faggot, a crime against nature, a freak, a loner, an emo.” He beats me up when the teachers aren’t around, I always come home covered in bruises and blood but my parents don’t care, no one does. I feel like a terrible human being, my body is covered in cuts and scars from self harming. This one girl noticed them at school than she told everyone and then that’s how the emo rumour started. I can’t help it, it distracts me from the mental pain and I concentrate on the physical. I’m sorry if I’m boring you, I just needed to talk to someone.

I closed the book and sighed, leaning back into my chair. I sat there in deep thought for a while and then turned to look at the clock, which displayed 11:30pm. Stretching my arms stood up and pulled open the draw that contained my pyjamas. I got changed and flopped into bed, hoping maybe tomorrow will be better.

Like that would ever happen.  

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I hope you enjoyed chapter one, comment and vote because it lets me know if you want me to continue with the story or not...no point writing if no one wants to hear it right? 

Untill next time, bye ^_^