Dear Maria (on hold)

Part 13

 One of the other girls who worked at the dyke bar with me was out sick with the flu, so I had worked her shift this afternoon. Her shift was directly before mine, so I was all ready to go when Maria picked me up to take me out for dinner. I had hurriedly changed out of the costume I wore and the character inside it, slipping back into my clothes, reverting to being Holly. As I pushed open the glass door and stepped outside, a rush of cool air hit my warm skin, pulling through my hair and blowing it back. I took a deep breath of the fresh night breeze, finally relaxing. Just as I was making my way slowly over the curb to wait for Maria, bright headlights rounded the corner through the growing darkness as her car approached. I smiled as her car slowed to a stop in front of me, and I quickly stepped forward to open the passenger's side door. I ducked into her car, closed the door behind me, and looked over at Maria gratefully, happy to see her.

“Hi, darling,” she greeted, smiling at me through the dim light inside of her car.

“Hey,” I replied, smiling back. She drove away from the bar towards the brighter section of town, and I looked out the cold window as the lights of various buildings flashed by. My face and Maria's were partially reflected in the window, so I watched her reflection as she drove us to a nice restaurant downtown. It was a short drive, and before long we were pulling up to the curb near our destination.

The restaurant was brightly lit and inviting, and you could see people eating, talking and laughing through the windows that took up sections of the walls. Maria parked the car and we stepped out into the street, both doors slamming with a muted thud. We rejoined each other on the sidewalk, my hand habitually slipping into hers as we began walking towards the restaurant's welcoming doors, the both of us unconsciously pressing closer to each other. I glanced at Maria, smiling at her adorable face peering out between her dark, stylish hat and bright scarf that fluttered in the wind. I tightened my fingers around hers securely, comfortably. She squeezed my hand in return, and then we were pushing open the doors to the restaurant, the warmth, light and noise enveloping us in an instant. A young man, probably still in college, smiled at us invitingly from behind a small podium. I slowly slid my hand out of Maria's as I moved to stand just a bit farther from her warm body, feeling as if the man's inquisitive gaze was deciphering everything between Maria and I. I noticed Maria shift her head ever so slightly in confusion, then return her attention to the man; he had begun talking.

“Do you have a reservation?” he asked, tilting his slightly as he waited for an answer.

“Yes, de Kali, party of two.” Maria replied easily, smiling enchantingly at him. My eyes slid across his jacket as I read his name tag: Josh. He smiled back politely, and turned to the left.

“Follow me, please.” Josh prompted, and I followed Maria as she trailed Josh through aisles of tables and booths. Finally he paused beside an isolated booth by one of the large windows, and Maria and I took our seats opposite each other. Josh left us to peruse the menus. Our eyes flickered up to meet over the top of our white, black and silver menus, and her foot softly nudged mine under the table. Biting my lip to keep from grinning, I looked down at the menu and began the arduous process of deciding what to eat. The table itself was rather small, so there really wasn't all that much space between Maria and I; our knees were nearly touching beneath the table, and her face was only about a foot and a half from mine.

As we ordered, I wondered idly what the purpose of appetizers really was, while doing my best to pay attention to our waitress. Maria and I talked and laughed while we waited hungrily for our food to arrive, all the while our feet touching every now and then. It was wonderful really, eating dinner out with Maria, but I felt guilty for not enjoying it more. I used to envy the happy people eating and laughing on the inside of restaurant windows, but now that I was one of those people I kept wondering if the people walking by looked at us and saw “just friends” or a couple, and what the other patrons thought. I was more comfortable around Maria than I ever had been before I'd known her, but I still felt like I was perpetually being scrutinized and unknowingly judged.

When the food arrived, our conversation stopped for a few minutes as we delved into our respective dishes, enjoying every bite after waiting for so long. Around five minutes later, we both slowed our eating enough to talk and breathe.

I slowly relaxed as dinner went on, and though we were both full by the time we finished eating, we decided to order dessert. I ordered chocolate cake, and Maria ordered cheesecake. When our waitress brought the substantial slabs of cake to our table, we appropriately oohed and aahed as they were placed before us. My chocolate cake was so dark and thick, with equally dark frosting and shavings of chocolate glistening on the top, and Maria's cheesecake was so pristine and white, the crust an enticing golden crumble color. We both began our cake with renewed hunger.

“Here, do you want to try mine?” Maria offered, gesturing at the remaining chunk of cake on her plate with her fork. Nodding gratefully, I agreed, and before I could react, she had sliced off a piece of cheesecake with her fork and held it up to mouth. After a second of hesitation, I ate the piece of cake she had offered me.

“Mm, it's really good!” I exclaimed.

“Yeah?” Maria asked, smiling knowingly. I nodded again. She proceeded to feed me another bite of cake as my unease grew, and I was tempted to look around to check is anyone was looking at us. I mean, a grown woman was feeding another grown woman cheesecake. It looked... odd, intimate even. In all honesty, it made me feel special that Maria was feeding me her cake, it did feel intimate, but it was too weird in a very public restaurant. I pushed my cake over to her, offering her some of mine, which she tried and liked. Miraculously, we both managed to finish off our slabs of cake, then paid the check and got up to leave.

Maria slipped her arms around my waist as we made our way back through the aisles of people and tables, and under the pretense of wanting to leave faster I pulled away from Maria's embrace, which I so craved. The eyes of everyone in the room seemed to be on us whenever she touched me, whenever we stood too close, whenever either of us looked at the other for a little too long in the wrong way.

Finally, we had made our way past the last tables, out the doors and into the night. The cool night air soothed my heated cheeks, and now out from beneath the glare of the spotlight, I moved to Maria's side, where I belonged. Wrapping my fingers around hers, I drew closer to her warmth like a moth to a flame. We walked back to the car in silence, just holding on to each other in the darkness. When we reached the car, Maria paused before getting into the driver's seat. She stood in front of me, my back pressed up against the passenger's side door, and she pressed closer to me. Deliberately placing her hands against the car on either side of me, Maria leaned forward and kissed me. It was a slow kiss, soft but intense, building. I let her kiss me for a minute before I brought my hands up to her rest on her waist and began kissing her back. Once she pulled back, some time later, she left me breathless, smiling seductively, her eyes saying, “oh yeah, and I wasn't even trying.”