Through The Dark (Vol 2.)

Chapter 44

H a r r y

I didn't want her to marry someone else.

I didn't want her to have children with someone else.

I didn't even want her to so much as kiss, someone else.

Not anyone, that wasn't me.

Before Kaydence had pointed out that we might not even be in each other's lives years from now, it never crossed my mind how far I wanted things between us to go. I never thought about getting married, especially with the career I had. It seemed too difficult to handle so I had always just tossed the idea to the side. Sure, I had always assumed I'd end up married and have kids one day, I think that's what everyone assumes their life will turn out to be. I definitely had before the band, before being in one direction I had planned to go to uni, to get a degree in either English, law, or sociology. Get a stable job, find a girl I tolerated enough to marry, and start a family with her. That was my plan in the beginning. But then the XFactor happened, I was placed into this band with lads I now consider brothers and our career flew skyward from there. I didn't expect my life to be that way it was now, for it be chaotic and for me lose a majority of my privacy. I completely discarded the possibility of marriage and children the moment I realized my lack of complete freedom. Marriage doesn't even seem to last in this industry. Do you know how many married celebrities have divorced? Tons. I can't even count how many because there were just too damn much. So why bother, right?

That's where I realized though, I was wrong. Why bother? Because of one girl. Kaydence. She is the only reason I would bother to get married. To bother to have children. She is the only one who has actually had me thinking about it, has had me daydreaming about what it would be like to be able to call her my wife. Or has me wondering what our kids would look like if we had any someday. Would they have my green eyes or her brown ones? Would they inherit my pigeon toed feet, or her short genes? It was thoughts like this, that made me realize I want to get married and have children in the future. It didn't matter what kind of career I had, I'd find a way to work around it. No one ever said I couldn't have it all, but the problem was I only wanted it, if I had Kaydence by my side.

And that's why I sat here on the couch now, with Kaydence laughing at something Nicole said, feeling sullen. I wanted that with Kaydence someday, but the truth is I don't know what the hell is going to happen to us. No one really ever knows how their life is going to turn out and the uncertainty of it all is both exciting and terrifying. I wish I could see that far into the future just so I wouldn't feel so...sad. It scared me to think there might be a day where Kaydence is married to another man and mothering his children. And it scares me even more to think I could end up with another woman as well. Who could I possibly end up loving more than her?

I forced a smile on my face when Kaydence turned her body towards me, looking at me with curiosity when she noticed the shift in my mood. I suppose I was doing a horrible job at hiding how what she said, had actually affected me but I didn't want her to worry. I hated seeing her sad and even though I myself was failing at not thinking about it, it was difficult.

Her eyes narrowed at me suspiciously and I lifted my hand to brush a strand a hair out of her face, relieved to see my touch had distracted her long enough to forget about trying to read me. Her mouth pulled into a small smile and she nudged me lightly in the rib with her elbow.

"You okay there Styles? You're awfully quiet."

I shrugged and twirled a strand of her hair around my finger. "Just staring at you, love."

Her cheeks turned a light shade of pink and my lips pulled up into a smirk, glad to see my words had affected her. She shook her head at me and glanced back at the TV screen to the movie Logan and Aiden had forced us to watch. James had came back while Kaydence and I had been in the guest house, but once we arrived he had to take another call on his phone and excused himself, muttering how we'd take the horses out the moment he was finished. Charlotte had joined us as well and was sitting on the opposite couch from us, not paying much attention to the screen and instead looking down at her phone regularly. She had been in an upbeat mood when she came down, talking our ears off about the horses and about the end of the summer party kids from her high school were throwing. She talked excitedly about it and there were moments where she'd make a certain face that I saw glimpses of Kaydence. It was definitely something I wasn't used to seeing, and every time it happened I would look over at Kaydence to see she had obviously noticed too.