Royal Atticates

reality

after a few days ...

today i am going to collect my reports and know wether i am pregnant or not. i havnt slept and i can feel my heartbeat getting faster.

i am in the hospital waiting for the receptionist to give me my file. " here u go miss..." the receptionist said sweetly.i gave a fake smile cause i m too dawmn nervous to even talk. i drove all way back home looking at my file. a part of me says that i shouldnt open it and one says that i should. i m definately opening my life because .......today i will face REALITY.

atlast we reached home and as i entered my room i locked it and sat on my bed . staring at the file.hoping that somehow this all turns out to b a silly nightmare.i couldnt feel my hands anymore. maybe i didnt wanted to know what was inside. maybe again i was not ready to face the reality. finally i got the courage to open it. and i read it. i dropped it with a blank face and i muttered to myself." i m pregnant." as i said it tears began running from my eyes. i crouched up as a ball in a corner and cried for many hours until i heard a knock on my door.. i didnt answer it. i just cant speak like i was drowning.... right now i need somebody to comfort me but there is noone. because noone can feel my stress , my pain, my story.......noone knows what i m going through.

i sat on my bed after realizing the fact that i felt very weak and exhausted. i laid on my bed staring at the celing emotionlessly rubbing my belly gently. i didnt know when i fell asleep but today i was not sleeping alone i was sleeping with an unborn baby who i know that will get haterate from me whever i will think about it.

one thing was clear that whoever it is . it is not my love. it is not mine.... i dont want to be selfish but not aborting it is enough sacrifice. i wonder that tomorrow's a better day.

next day---

i woke up in the morning feeling dizzy and kind of like i want to puke. and as i stood up i rushed to the bathroom to puke . after puking i brushed my teeth immediately and kept looking at my pale face. i looked at myself for sometime and then my belly. then i turned my shower on and went to my closet . i didnt wanted to wear a dress so i wore a simple tank top and some baggy jeans. i kept them on my bed while i took my undergarments inside . i stripped my clothes and jumped into my shower..... but the whole time i was singing i 'm yours by jason maraz. finally after a 20 minute shower i turned the shower off and took a towel to rub myself and then i wrapped it around myself. i went outside and i saw tiffany . i was shocked that how the hell did she come in ! i felt like i was not in a mood to talk so i walked past her towards my dressing room with my clothes that were kept on my bed. i entered my dressing room but before closing it i saw tiffany looking at me with pity eyes. i ignored her but thought that she might have come to take any belonging of hers . maybe? while i removed my nailpolish to apply a new one . i then thought to straighten my natural curly or wavy hair . i then did some makeup like i applied my regular eyeliner and some gloss. i looked at myself in the mirror but as usually unhappy. i wore my clothes and after getting dressed i looked at my belly while rubbing it lightly. a tear slid down my cheek which i removed immediately because my freshly applied eye liner would be smugded. i got out of the room entering my room with a sad face thinking abut my baby . i still saw tiffany standing there so now i decided to leave the room as i wore my carpet slippers . just before opening the door tiffany asked " sis arent u gonna ask me why i m here" in a voice full of guilt. i sighed then i closed the door again and looked at her and asked." soo....tell" .

" i m sorry" she said.

i stood there in confusion " but why?" i asked .

" because i messed up your room" she said .

" well my room is cleaned now sooo.... " i said as i opened the door but she stopped me by crying" arent u going to forgive me?" i stopped there a part of me said that i should leave and the other says that i should make her feel better. unfortunately my nicer part won so i closed the door and sat next to her and said annoyingly" its ok sweetie . now calm down." i said but she didnt stopped really now she is freaking me out so i opened my purse and gave her a chocolate but still she sobbed so i said totally irretated" what do you want honey? okkkk...ummmm......let me think about it.