Make All This Pain Go

Chapter Seventeen

Day 36: Harry's POV

As I walked away from Ashleigh's car, I know what will most likely happen when I get to her apartment. She'll be curled up in bed, fake asleep, to avoid doing anything. Which I was fine with. She'd come around when she was ready. For right now, she was fine with me getting and her getting nothing back. I, personally, hated it.

I pulled up to Ashleigh's complex, parked and walked into the complex. What I found was Ashleigh sitting on the floor, her back to her door. She stood as she saw me. I started to walk faster, wondering if she was okay.

"What's wrong? Are you alright?"

A small smile spreads across her face. She leans up a bit to look me in the eyes.

"Harry. If we do this, which I'm not saying it's going to happen tonight, but if it does.. Listen, you know how I am. I really self conscious and it's gonna be really hard for me. It's going to be awkward and weird and I'll probably act awkward and weird because I'm so dammed nervous and I just.. I love you and I don't want to disappoint you."

"Ashleigh.. you know you could never disappoint me. I love you no matter what. You'll know when it's time, and I'm willing to wait until I know you're ready. I just feel bad taking when you're not receiving."

"Ew shut up! That's so gross."

She lets out a little laugh, wrapping her arms around my neck. I pick her up, bridal style, carrying her into the apartment. I lay her down on the bed, walking away. I walk slow, giving her a chance to react. I hear movement on the bed, then feel two small hands on my waist, attempting to turn me around. I turn staring down into Ashleigh's eyes.

"I swear if you make fun of me.."

"What's to make fun of? You're absolutely perfect to me."

She leans up, kissing my lips softly.

"And you're sure?"

"Not entirely. But I want to."

I nod, kissing her again. She walks me over to her bed, pulling me on top of her body. She fingers the hem of my shirt, pulling it up over my head. I lean up, and throw my shirt to the floor. I can tell she's nervous, as I had been in this same position. Her first time had to be awkward. I know mine was. But it's me. And I love her and care about her. I'd never hurt her. I lean back down, kissing her softly, then pull away.

"Not tonight."

"What?"

"You're not ready. You just want to because I do, and it's not my decision to make."

"It's mine."

I nod, starting to get up. Ashleigh pulls me back down to her, her lips just inches from mine.

"And I made my decision."

She leans up, kissing me a bit harder than before. I nod, letting her know that this was happening. I pull her shirt off, clumsily tossing it to the floor, right next to my shirt. I pull her up, sitting her in my lap. I take her bra off in one swift motion. I can feel her hesitation, pulling back from me. I look her in the eyes, wondering if she was going to change her mind. She smiles, looking down.

"I've seen your boobs before."

"I know. Just.. I don't know. Other things. It's weird."

"Beautiful. You're beautiful. Not weird. Ever."

I kiss her softly, moving down her body. I plant small kisses along her prominent collar bones, taking my time at her breasts. I kiss them softly, squeezing them lightly. My tongue runs across her nipples, making then harden a bit. I look up at her, smirking.