Make All This Pain Go

Chapter Twenty One

Day 58: Harry's POV

I demolish my first burger in a minute then start on the second one. Ashleigh stares at me, her mouth slightly a gape.

"Whut?"

"That's absolutely repulsive."

I open my mouth, showing her the half chewed burger.

"EW YOU ARE SO NASTY."

She swats at my arm, bursting into a fit of laughter. She turns up the radio, then shushes me.

"Whuttttt?!"

"SHUTUPFORASEC."

I stay quite then hear the very familiar beat that is soon blasting throughout the car.

"YOU'RE INSECURE. DON'T KNOW WHAT FOR. YOU'RE TURNING HEADS WHEN YOU WALK THROUGH THE DO-OR-OR. DON'T NEED MAKEUP. TO COVER UP. BEING THE WAY THAT YOU ARE IS ENO-UH-OUH. EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ROOM CAN SEE IT EVERYONE ELSE YOU-OOOO."

I'd never heard Ashleigh sing before, so I'd never known how good she was at it. I let her sing through the chorus, then turn the radio down.

"What?"

"You're a really good singer."

"No way."

"Yes way."

"Nope. The reason you've never heard me sing before is because I suck at it."

She laughs, but I just shake my head.

"You've got a real talent."

"Nahh, that would be you."

She leans in and kisses me, grabbing my hands.

"I'm being serious."

"So am I Harry. Drop it. Please?"

She smiles at me, letting go of my hands and turning the radio up again. She stays silent this time though. I finish eating as Ashleigh drives back to the hotel. Its 11 when we walk through the door.

"I'm not really tired."

"Me either."

"Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"I need to tell you something.."

"What? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. I just.."

I wait for her to find her words, the sadness crossing over her face.

"I think it's time for you to know why I am how I am with my parents."

I nod my head, walking towards her, grabbing her hand. She squeezes it, then pulls me over to the couch. She sits, and I follow, facing her.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"Yeah. It's just really hard for me to talk about. It's really bad. I mean it's reeaally bad."

I could hear her voice already starting to crack, her eyes darting away from mine."

"It's okay."

At this point I'm whispering. I grab her hand again, wrapping my hand around hers.

"Okay. Two years ago I was getting ready for school and I was running late. I ran out to the bus stop just to see the bus pass me. So I ran back inside and asked my brother, Jack, for a ride to school because it was on the way to where he worked. Jack was 19 at the time. He was going to have to leave a half hour early to get me to school one time, but he didn't mind. I got to school on time and Jack dropped me off then went to work. On his way there, he got in an accident."

Her eyes filled with tears, a couple spilling over. Her voice was cracking and getting softer.

"A truck swerved into his lane because the driver had fallen asleep at the wheel. Jack swerved off the road to avoid getting hit, but he began to hydroplane. His car spun off the road, flipped over the guard rail, and flipped several times into the woods. The was killed on impact. I still remember getting pulled out of first period and being told by my principal that my brother had gotten into an accident and they didn't think he was okay. I just started crying and I needed to get out of there so I just left and my principle was just yelling at me and I ran. I just ran until I couldn't breathe and was in the middle of the woods behind my school and just screamed about how unfair it was. Then my mom called me on my cell and told me Jack had died. That he had died because he left early to take me to school. I just threw my phone and fell on the ground and screamed and cried and wandered back to school to meet my mom. No one would even look at me. From day one it's been my fault he died. I killed their trophy child. So they want nothing to do with me. I've never really dealt with it because I can't help but believe them when they say it's my fault. It wouldn't have happened if he hadn't of left early."

She starts crying harder, trying to hold it in. Small sobs escape her lips and I pick her up and pull her into my lap, holding her like a baby. She nuzzles her head into my shoulder, her tears falling onto my shirt. I put my head on top of hers and let her cry a bit. I know it wasn't Ashleigh's fault, but I know she won't believe me when I tell her. I finally understand why she took so long to tell me. Losing someone you're that close too so young is probably the worst thing in the world. Then to have your entire family exile you in your time of need and blame you for something that you had no control over. It was an accident. It's called and accident for a reason. A lot of mistakes ending in something disastrous. I start rubbing her back, trying to calm her down a bit. I bend my lips down to her ear once she's calmed down a little.

"It wasn't your fault. I swear that to you. It was an uncontrollable event that no one could have prevented in the moment. Your parents just needed to blame someone for it and you were the one closest to Jack in that moment. You did nothing wrong. You need to know that. It's sad and tragic to lose someone like that, but then to be blamed for something you had no part in? That's just asinine. You're parents love you. I promise."

"They stopped loving me the day Jack died. Now I'm just a nusence that has to be dealt with on occasion."

"They do love you. Your brother wouldn't have wanted you to be blamed for it. And he definitely wouldn't have wanted you to blame yourself for it."

"I know."

"You need to deal with it. You need to know it wasn't your fault and move past it. Don;t let it define you or your relationship with your parents."

"I don't know how."

"I don't either. That's something you have to do for yourself."

She looks up at me, her eyes red and puffy, a small smile across her mouth.

"When did you get so insightful?"

I laugh softly, then kiss her forehead.

"Let's go to bed. It's been a long day."

She nods. I get up, still carrying her like a baby curled up into my chest to our bed. I lay her down, her eyes already closed. She curls up under the blanket, seemingly falling asleep right away. I look at her for a moment, seeing how peaceful she looked compared to a few moments ago. Sleep could do so much to a person. Revive them. Bringing them back to being young, wiping years of pain and worry off of their faces. She looked so beautiful curled up in a ball, her mouth slightly open. I get into the bed, turning off the bedside lamp. Ashleigh pulls me to her, clinging to my shirt.

"I love you so much Ash."

"I love you too."

She whispers softly, just letting the words escape her lips.