Make All This Pain Go

Chapter Twenty Two

Day 59: Ashleigh's POV

I wake up around 7AM, Harry still knocked out cold next to me. His arms were wrapped tightly around me, making it almost difficult to move. I couldn't help but feel like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders last night. Keeping my brother's death from Harry had been one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. I still had something to tell Harry, but I couldn't lay it all on him in one night. I knew when he found out about my past, there was a slim chance that he'd want to stay with me. But, when you've been running from your past for so long, it's easy to forget that it was ever actually part of your life. Then I remember late night trips to the hospital. People whispering and starting rumors. I look over at my vanity and the boxes of makeup and jewelry on top of it. A single razor inside of an old jewelry box buried deep in one of those boxes. I knew it was finally time to get rid of the only thing still tying me to my past. To the chubby girl who didn't have really any friends. The girl who got rejected by the guy she adored because of her weight. The girl who killed her brother. The girl that no one wanted. Who felt so much pain, the only way she could think to escape it was to cause pain to herself. The thought made the blood rush through my once scarred wrists. I carefully wiggle from Harry's grasp, soft snores escaping his lips. I tip toe carefully over to the boxes, opening the one labeled 'JEWELRY' as quickly and quietly as I could. My hand darts down to the bottom, pulling up the worn, black leather box. I write Harry a note telling him I went out to go get breakfast and coffee. I pull on some jeans and one of Harry's T-shirts from an open box. I grab the box, opening it to reveal the shiny, clean razor. I shut the box, ready to let go of a girl I refused to be a second longer.

I hopped into Harry's Range Rover, driving the still vaguely familiar route to the McDonalds we had gone to last night. As I went in, I tossed the box into the trash bin outside of the building. I felt another burden being lifted from me. I'd tell Harry as soon as I got home. No sense in keeping something that was no longer a part of my life a secret. I walked in then ordered 10 tons of food for Harry, then a yogurt parfait for myself and 2 large coffees. As the girl, around my age, handed me our food, her eyes widened, astonished.

"Wait. You're Ashleigh! You're dating Harry Styles right?"

"Yeah. Wow, this is weird."

I laugh, this being the first time anyone's recognized me.

"OH.MY.GOD. You are SO lucky! And you're so much more gorgeous in person! I totally ship Hash. You two are TOO cute!"

"You're so nice! I'm honestly just a really lucky fan though. Nothing special."

"You're literally so nice! I can't. Can I have your autograph?"

"Really?"

"DUH!"

"Okay.."

I sign her phone case, even though I refused a few times cuz I didn't want to ruin her really cute case.

"Thank you SO much! You made my day!"

"You made mine! Thanks again"

II smile back at her, walking out to Harry's car. Is that what it feels like to be recognized? It's so weird. Like, what did I do to cause you to know who I am? Why am I important? I get into the car, then drive back to the hotel, getting a bit lost on the way.

I unlock the hotel room door, my hands full with the bag of food, two coffees, the room key, and the car keys. As I walk through the door, I'm met by Harry, pacing around the room. As soon as I close the door, his head darts up from the floor, meeting my eyes with a worried expression that fades into relief.

"What?"

"You weren't here when I woke up."

"I wrote you a note. I brought food and coffee."