Make All This Pain Go

Chapter Twenty Three

Day 59: Harry's POV

I can feel the tears falling down my face and I see Ashleigh standing in front of me saying something. I couldn't stop the thoughts running through my head; the intense pain flowing through my body. How could she ever want to hurt herself? She's so flawless and perfect, how could she place scars on her tender skin? And where was I when she needed me most? Out partying with some people I don't even care about? How could I have helped her before it was too late?

"Harry, please. I swear it's done. Please? Just don't cry honey. Please. Say something."

I look up through my tears to see tears of her own running down Ashleigh's face. I want to tell her how terrible I feel and that I love her, but I can't bring myself to speak.

"I knew it. I knew you wouldn't want me after I told you. I'm so sorry I couldn't be what you thought I was."

I watch her walk away, collecting a few things and tossing them into her bag.

"I'll just wander around for a couple hours. Give you time. I'm so sorry."

I watch her leave the room, still unable to do anything. A few moments pass before the pain becomes bearable and I realize that I just let Ashleigh leave, without protest. This must've been so hard for her but I was only thinking about myself. I run out the door to find her sitting at the end of the hall. I run to her as fast as I can. When she sees me, she stands, wiping tears from her eyes.

"That was faster than I'd expected."

"You knew I was going to come after you?"

"I'd hoped you would."

"I always will."

"Promise?"

"Always."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you when you needed me to be."

"You didn't even know me. There's nothing you could have done. So stop blaming yourself."

"I can't."

"Well, you need to. You've helped me get past it. That's your only part in it. Helping me. You're here. That's all that matters. You're all I need. Okay?"

"You're everything.. everything I've ever wanted. Do you know how terrified I am? I'm so scared that I'm going to ruin this. Ruin us. You're just so lovely all the time and gorgeous and nice to me and you got through every single wall I put up with everyone and I still have no idea how. But I love you. So much. I never want this to end."

"I love you too. And you're scared? Harry! You could get any girl. You have millions of fans that would literally kill to be where I am. I'm so grateful for you. That you're in my life. I have such a hard time opening up to people and trusting people because I've had a shitty time with it before. But I feel so comfortable around you. I don't know what it is that you do to me, but it's no even fair."

She smiles at me grabbing my hand.

"Sorry I ruined you morning."

"I'm just glad you were still here."

"I'm glad I decided to stay."

"Forever?"

"I'm yours. As long as you'll let me be."

I remember those same words leaving her lips after our first kiss. I can still feel the same initial rush flowing through my body every time we kiss. I can't believe how much I honestly need her after only a few months.

Day 60:

I wake up with Ashleigh in my arms. The sun peeks in through the blinds, kissing her cheeks and eyelashes. We spent most of yesterday unpacking all of our stuff that we brought over. Management had been nice enough to sort everything into boxes to make for easier unpacking. They were overbearing and strict, but they were nice at times. Ashleigh seemed so much lighter now that I knew everything. After the initial shock, I'm now just grateful that it's done with and in the past. That I made her happy. I get up, leaving Ash to sleep some more. I glance at my phone seeing it's 9:30. I go to Lou and El's room and knock on the door lightly. A few moments pass before Louis opens the door.