I'm Done

Addicted

My conversations with Megan/Jared were getting weirder. Like, really kinda sexual.

-u want Jared's boner

-umm lol sure

Things have been worse than that (considering Jared's gonna find me using his "horny sense" and fake rape me) so I've gotten used to his/her ways.

-u wanna tell him that?

-haha yeah

-ok

-kk

-hey

-Jared?

-yes

-I want ur boner

-umm I don't have a boner right now

-then get one

-kk brb

At this point I bursted out in laughter at why he/she said

-k I'm back

-u got a boner?

-ya

-ok lol I want it

-ok baby then hop on me

-LOL

-but seriously would u ever date me

-I'm being 100% serious if u ever wake up one morning as a guy u gotta call me up

-lol u will be the first person I even think of if I wake up with a dick

-lol

-hey baby?

-yeah

-whats your ring size?

Right then my heart exploded. I know that Jared is actually Megan and is a girl but it still felt real.

-umm 9 and a half I think

-k baby ;)

-<3

I know that its really weird but if Jared were actually a real guy I would have the biggest crush on him. At this point I couldn't tell if it was real or fake. I always kind of knew that it was fake though, even when I didn't want it to be. I always knew that I don't actually have a crush on Jared because Jared is Megan and Megan is a chick.

I do not and could never be into girls. I like guys. All I need to do is find one exactly like Megan/Jared. Except, not exactly like him/her. Honestly, I would prefer a guy who isn't suicidal or has a criminal record. But there's more that I wish he/she didn't do. Like smoke weed.

-my mom thinks I play on the Internet all night but I don't.

-my mom thinks I smoke weed all night cuz I look high in the morning

-lol but u don't right

-umm

-right?

-don't freak

I punched a wall. I knew there were more flaws in her/his little life. I was so fucking pissed off I don't even know how to explain it. I was shaking with rage. I'm just happy she/he told me over text so I didn't punch him/her right in the fucking face.

-why

-i have

-WHAT

-and I've done it more than once

-but never again right

-sure

-promise me

-im gonna tell u the truth. I'm not gonna stop. It makes me feel good. It makes the pain go away.

At this point I was ready to abandon him/her. Drugs is just way too much for me to handle. My parents would kick my ass right into next week. She already got me depressed so now, I have to stop talking to her. There's no question. She will eventually drag me into her downward spiral that is her life.

But at the same time, I know that I won't be able to stop talking to him/her. When I think about it, in a way, he/she already got me addicted to something. She got me addicted to him/her.

Right that moment I was extremely depressed. I went downstairs to my basement so I could be alone. The first thought that popped into my head was find a blade. Cut yourself. It's worth it. And that night, the only reason I didn't was that I couldn't find one.

But I still wanted to do something. So I dug my nails into my skin and scratched. I scratched both my arms and my legs until they were red and swollen and I could almost not feel them anymore. I was crying. I was sore. I was tired.

I walked up to my room and collapsed crying on my bed. I would've never done this if he/she didn't say it. I knew I would fall asleep as soon as I closed my tear-filled eyes. So just before I fell asleep, I whispered:

"Megan. Look what you did to me."

And I fell asleep.

So yeeeeeah. There's chapter 6. As sad as it is this is indeed a true story. It happened in real life. To me. Chapter 7 will be up soon. Stay alive ;)