Accidental Housemate

22: hoping

I folded my life into boxes,
but there was no box
big enough
for the ache of leaving him.

HOPING

. . . 

I came back home earlier than usual with a small box of whatever I had left at the agency.

I unlocked the door myself for the first time in a while because Dave wasn’t there yet. Eerie silence welcomed me. I threw the box to the side; I heard glass crashing, but I didn’t care. A cup of water and a painkiller for my headache were what I needed after getting fired with a bad behaviour note.

Hannah had even dared to claim she forgave me for whatever physical and mental harm I did to her, so they didn’t need to move it to the police station.

So messed up. The world and that industry were so messed up.

I swallowed the pill and squeezed my eyes shut. I didn’t want any more tears to come out. I had to be numb. My job, and everything that had to do with it, was over. The only thing I needed to do was prove Hannah guilty before I could disregard that dumpster of an industry forever.

I spent the time before Dave came back home crouched on the floor in my room. When he approached the bedrooms and saw me inside mine, he paused, untying his necktie, and stared at me suspiciously.

“I… didn’t expect to see you here this early?”

Without sparing him a glance, I mumbled, “I was fired.”

Dave’s face creased in worry for a second, and he seemed tongue-tied. Then he relaxed his posture and said, “I’m not your favourite person currently, so I won’t even try. I’m a man of lust to you.”

He walked away.

Great. Getting fired wasn’t enough; I needed Dave guilting me on top of it.

Maybe I had exaggerated our situation, but he had also been as dishonest as I thought I had been with him. I had loathed myself and drowned in remorse for hiding my identity from him, while he had deceived me without a second thought. I had been in oblivion but thought I was in bliss, and he hadn’t even tried to clarify things for me.

That was why I disbelieved his intentions were pure: because he had kept the truth to himself and thus had the upper hand. Our bond had been a fantasy, and like fantasies, it faded away into the cruel reality that was my life.

I had thought I was brave enough to move on and start afresh in London. I had wanted to live freely and be who I had always wanted to be, without my past drawn on my face, or my life chewed like gum in people’s mouths, especially the people I used to consider close.

As a continuation of my previous rage, I got up and reunited with the guy in the living room.

“Seriously, Dave? You deceive me, then dare to frame me guilty?”

He let go of the remote control and looked over at me. “I didn’t deceive you, nor am I trying to frame you. If anything, you tried to frame me as a lustful man without even trying to consider my side.”

“I’ll ask for the last time: why’d you hide you knew about it from me?”

He licked his lips, then rubbed his nape. “Because… Because I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me. Besides, I could ask you the same thing. Don’t forget how much you lied and hid from me, Perrie.”

How thoughtful of him, huh?

However, Dave had gotten intimate with me, so it was hard to identify the truth from the play. The way things had gone begged to differ from what he was saying.

Dave got up and faced me. “You know, Perrie.” He stopped in front of me. “You’re your own problem. You’re making a fuss out of it. So what if you worked that? So what if I know? It’s over. It’s in the past. Only you choose to hang on to it and let it butt further into your life.”

I sneered. “You know why I was fired today?” I looked him in the eye as he waited for me to continue, “Because this filthy former porn actress in front of you got exposed by the stinkiest employee in the agency.” I pointed to myself, halting a little after I’d said the filthy words out loud for the first time in a while. “Because apparently, no truth can come out of a cocksucker’s mouth. Can you still claim it doesn’t affect me?”

Dave grimaced and palmed his face. “Stop. Stop torturing yourself. You’re not what you worked,” he said as he looked down at me with furrowed eyebrows.

His words were meaningless preaching to me. If what I had worked before didn’t define me, then why was I treated according to it? People were hypocrites, and Dave was people.

I shook my head. “It’s too late, Dave. I’m back to jobless filth again.”

I was about to walk off, but he gripped my forearm and stopped me.

“Let me help you. You don’t deserve to be treated like shit by the agency, Perrie.”

I freed myself from his grip and entered my room, holding back the tears. That was it. I needed to look for a new place away from him as soon as possible.

My phone dinged with a text as I closed the door behind me. The texter couldn’t be Dave, my only contact, as I had just been with him, nor could it be the agency, because they only called. Instead, it was an unknown number.

‘Hey, Perrie. It’s Ellen.’

I raised a suspicious eyebrow. What could this one’s intentions be?

I replied with a simple, ‘Hey.’

‘I know it’s weird I’m texting you now. I got your phone number from HR. I have something important to tell you, Perrie.’

I didn’t reply but waited for her to explain. Frankly, I was on my tiptoes, waiting for clarification.

‘What Hannah did to you in the toilet… I was there. I heard it. I want to help you get justice because this isn’t fair to you at all. I can tell she planned all of this.’

I hardly held in my gasp. I hadn’t thought people could get any worse towards me, but there she was, another person who had turned a blind eye to me when she could’ve been of huge help.

The help was coming in late, but at least it had come in the end.

I exhaled in relief, my mind already plotting my next steps. I could do it. I could regain my rights and dignity.

‘Ellen, why only now?’ I needed all my willpower to send that text without sounding as if I blamed her for what happened when, in fact, a part of me wanted to.

‘I’m sorry. I can explain everything.

‘Let’s meet up.’

. . .

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