Accidental Housemate

23: admitting

he was somewhere
beyond the glass,
and somehow
I was the one
who felt transparent.

ADMITTING

. . .

She couldn’t look me in the eye.

The café’s buzz, the clinking of glasses, faint music, and people’s chatter, all cut through the air between Ellen and me. I met up with her in a café close to where she lived because I didn’t want to tire her too much.

She fiddled with the tissue on the table. Her straight black hair hid most of her face, but I could still see her biting and releasing her lip. She’d been that way ever since we had shaken hands and sat down, whereas I tapped my fingertips on the table impatiently.

“Ellen, tell me what you saw.” I finally pulled her out of her comfort zone.

She nodded. “So… I was in one of the stalls. I didn’t think a crime would happen right when I was… tending to my needs. You know, my huge tummy is pushing my bladder, so I go to the toilet often.”

I leant closer across the table. Those weren’t the details I needed. “And?”

She leaned back against her seat. “I heard what happened. I heard everything she told you… and the way you tried to break free.” She gulped. “I even voice-recorded some of what happened.”

My eyes boggled out. Even if she had been there coincidentally, why had she thought to record it?

I leant back and scrutinised her. Something didn’t sit right with her tone. If I hadn’t been a part of what had happened, I’d have thought she was lying because of her shakiness.

“I don’t understand why you’re too afraid to admit you witnessed it, why you recorded it, and why you hid it till this moment.” I squinted my eyes at her. “Are you shy? Just think how I felt while you kept all of this to yourself!” I snapped, trying to keep my words within her earshot only. I hoped I succeeded.

“Perrie, calm down. I have my issues too. You’re not the only one Hannah has dirt on. When I found myself with a chance to have something over her too, I couldn’t stop myself.”

I slapped my hand on the table and snapped, “God! So, her side job is collecting dirt on her co-workers to secure herself?”

Ellen sucked in her lips and nodded lightly. “She… She has dirt on me.”

‘Ellen’ and ‘dirt’ sounded weird in one sentence. What could the woman have possibly done? And how would Hannah know?

“Is it that bad?”

“Bad enough to end my career and my marriage.”

I gulped and held in a string of curses. I hoped she didn’t mean what I thought she did.

She looked down at her baby bump, confirming my fear. “The baby is the manager’s.”

\

One time in my childhood, I asked Dad why he got into so much illegal trouble. He told me in life, the strong eat the weak, and only the strongest stay. Not that my dad was the wisest person in a time of need, but at that moment, his words wouldn’t leave me alone.

Strength wasn’t enough. I needed to be the strongest.

While I rested on my bed and stared at the plain white ceiling, I thought about whether it’d be okay for me to push Ellen to help me without caring about her issue.