BIG MAN: A Wake-Up Call for Women

Chapter 1 - Dismantling Male Pride

The reluctance to admit being wrong, behaving badly, the refusal to apologise, to consider for a moment that fault may lie with him and him alone, these few examples of male pride at first seem no different to anything either sex can be guilty of doing, and yet, moreover, women are more predisposed to reflect and correct, than men. Again, we don't need a long list of professional statements to verify this. The evidence is already on the table. Why is it so difficult for men to admit fault? Pride.

I have no interest in how they developed it, or why they deem it such an important social trait, as if being at fault is a weakness, and admitting fault, an even greater weakness. 'What would people think of my manliness if they discovered I am not perfect?' This is really the crux of the issue, when conflict-resolution is up for discussion. He's the guy who refuses to attend marriage counselling, the guy who beats you down relentlessly with a barrage of words designed to place all the blame on you, the coward, the bully; the frightened and confused half-man who opted out of his natural evolutionary-position to a more refined state of being. A humane being. This is all we need to know. It is the only relevant information required to eradicate male pride and its harmful effects from your life.

Dismantling male pride, of itself, is an interesting idea, but it suggests a level of therapy better left to therapists, not partners. In my experience, I found it unfortunately necessary to destroy male pride, rather than dismantle it, because I don't regard its harmful presence as being required, at all, let alone gently afforded even the remotest grip on my reality whatsoever, while it lingers about during whatever pseudo-psychological attempt well-meaning persons might employ to 'dismantle' it. Not I. To destroy male pride, one only requires a healthy, rational intellect; a simple logic, a sound understanding of basic psychology, and the vocabulary to execute it. Women, especially girls, have, over the course of modern history, been encouraged to believe that men are the thinkers, and it certainly does come across this way, because men are more rational than women, generally speaking. Where you become upset, overwhelmed with emotion, he might perceive the issue with a more black-and-white view, and see a simple solution, and if you are finding it difficult to express your feelings, you become increasingly frustrated at your partner's inability to understand you. Your emotions are perceived as an over-reaction, because his tendency to be more objective, allows him to subjectively perceive female emotion as crazy. These emotions aren't simple. They don't make sense to him. Therefore, neither do you, and yet in so many instances, your cause of upset is because your intuition and sensitivity alerts you to something being amiss, but you lacks the vocabulary, intellect, and correct mental-positioning to adequately make your point, without losing your shit.

Several years ago I watched a movie about a woman who was being physically and mentally abused by her partner. As movies tend to go, the script-writers decided the only way she could fight back and escape, was if she became physically strong, beat him up, set him up, and leave. Interestingly, she had to use her head to make the proper plan for exit, but the movie focused on her physical training and subsequent action scenes of returning blow for blow. I saw this movie around the same time I was being bullied, yet again, by my ex partner. Honestly don't remember what the issue was in this instance, but it required that I make it clear to him to never come near me, nor my home, nor my driveway, ever again. There was no way for me to physically stop him. I am not predisposed to violence and being of a slight frame, I know my limitations when it comes to self-defense. I knew I could not physically push him off my property. He'd simply stand there like he owned it, and me, and I'd become frustrated and solve nothing. The bully would win, so I had to try a different method.

I realised, after several years of sharpening my intellect through a re-education process I undertook on the internet, which included reading countless good books, that I now had a much more powerful weapon: my mind. It was the one thing I lacked during our relationship, and the major weakness that enabled him to dominate me so successfully. For every argument, I had no rational response. I couldn't access it, because my mind, intellect, and communication skills were weak. Not any more, so on this particular day, I wrote him a three-page letter concisely setting out every logical answer for why his threats to take me to court (for the crime of being upset) were nothing more than bullying tactics. I explained to him how happy the magistrate might be to learn of his perpetual abuse and poor treatment of me during our five-year relationship, his obsessive jealousy, his telling me how to dress, his punishing me if another man looked at me, because I must've enjoyed it, and asked for it, therefore I must dress more demurely to accommodate his insecurities. The magistrate would be delighted to know, I was sure, of the night he threw me out of the car because one of his workmates looked at me in a sexual way, and apparently, that was my fault. There were many other things mentioned in this letter but regardless of the boring details, I managed to completely turn the tables with simple eloquent logic. As a result, he 'respected' my requests to stay away from me. His argument was deeply flawed, our argument was over, and much like a good lawyer, I was able to prove it, with nothing more than a pen and three pieces of paper.

Destroying the incredibly inconvenient and unnecessarily harmful assault of male pride is really as simple as that. You don't need physical muscles. A decent amount of mindstrength will do. For some women it might come easily, for others not so much, depending on the level of abuse already experienced and how that may have impacted their self-esteem. Education is also a factor. It can be scary standing up to a monster. What if your logic doesn't work? That is always a possibility, and it most likely won't, unless you lace it with ethics. If he has a reputation among his peers of being somewhat respected and perceived as a 'nice guy' he will know that he can be easily undermined once you become smart enough to expose him in a manner that no one, except for the most serious of cowards, could deny. It is his male pride that becomes his undoing, the pride he takes in being highly thought of by others, when under threat, is enough incentive to have him adhere to your requests, without the need for a restraining order.

My focus here is on enabling you to level up to a man's intellect with an equally powerful rationale, in relationships where mental harm is being perpetuated. Physically abusive relationships are not my area, although my ex partner did use physical force on several occasions, including imprisoning me in a locked bedroom for getting a parking fine and choking me with a broom handle for asking him to open a window, it was never so great a threat to my person as was his mental torture and controlling dominance over my life, career, and individuality as a person. My self-esteem plummeted in his presence, and I am extremely grateful for the day I decided to sharpen my mind, but it didn't end there. He tried financial abuse instead.

Male pride: 'You left me you will pay.''It was all your fault not mine''You are an unreasonable woman to expect such basic courtesies from me.''No I will not go to counselling there is nothing wrong with me it is all you.' I'm not altogether sure why they take such pride in this type of attitude. It's not exactly attractive.