Butterfly Keeper // h.s. au

Chapter Five

I wake up to the sunlight pouring in through my eyelids. It's like nature's natural alarm clock when the sun comes in through the windows and the light dances through your closed lids so that you just can't sleep any longer. But my gentle wake doesn't keep out all of the heavy feelings that accumulated from last night's events. I can feel it all now, the weight of the terrible and beautiful things I've experienced finally piercing me. It seems that all it took to clear the fog from my mind was a good night's sleep. And the worst thing I feel of all? Regret. It's like a dark cloud looming over me, threatening to spill it's showers and drench me in it's entirety.

I sit up in Courtney's bed and watch as she turns around to look at me from her chair in front of the TV. She's holding a burrito in a foil wrapper just like the day we first met and her left cheek is stuffed with a bite. A weird look is displayed on her face that I can't quite decipher. As I go to ask her what's wrong a girl with dark hair and tan skin emerges into the room in only a towel. She has a pile of clothes bundled at her side and doesn't seemed phased at all by my presence in the room in all of her half naked glory.

"Hey, you must be Charlotte right? I'm Sarah, Courtney's roommate." She gives me a bright smile of someone who's used one too many teeth whitening strips, but it's still genuine.

"Yeah, that's me." I say and smile lightly.

She pulls a pair of jeans and a tank-top out of her unpacked suitcase and begins getting dressed without warning. Me and Courtney both look away, Courtney groaning while shielding her eyes with the hand that's empty of the burrito.

"God, why do you always do this Sarah? How many times do I have to tell you that no one wants to see your ass, no matter how shapely it may be." Sarah shrugs out a laugh and shimmies into her jeans.

"We're all girls here, It's not like you haven't seen my ass before." She strides by us both over to the mirror on the far wall, now clothed in her jeans and tank-top.

I notice the blonde highlights going through her dark hair but figure they're not natural. She looks like the type of person who would hang out with Cara and Angela but her personality suggests otherwise. Her confidence radiates off her almost effortlessly. It's something that I instantly admire about her.

"I've seen your ass before but not Charlotte, (until five seconds ago that is), and you've probably already scarred her for life." Sarah rolls her eyes and proceeds to put on mascara. Courtney looks back at me and mouths an apology that I wave off.

"It was nice to meet you Sarah, hopefully we can all hang out sometime." I suggest as I get up from the Courtney's bed. I gather my things and head towards the door.

"Yeah definitely. And Sorry you saw my ass." We both laugh but I find mine being fake and forced.

I feel unwell, and claustrophobic. Like at any second the walls are going to fall down on me and trap me in here with the two of them. It's not that I don't like them, no, not at all. Courtney is my first real friend here and Sarah seems super friendly. It's just the feeling that they can see through me and look at all that I'm harboring inside.

"Well, I'll see you guys later," I say hurriedly and slip out the door before they can answer.

I'm halfway down the hall when Courtney comes bounding at me, still in her Pj's with that weird look plastered on her face again.

"Hey, is there something wrong?" She asks. I can tell by her tone that she wants to say something more but leaves it at that.

My mind fumbles for an answer, that one crucial moment where you decide whether to vent the truth and share your feelings or lie and deal with the problem internally. Maybe something is very wrong with me, but I don't want to tell her about what happened last night. Not any of it. Not the weird pursuing feelings that led me to take the bus into the city or the man who held the knife to my neck while he touched me or even Harry and his bloody fists and hurtful rejection.