Butterfly Keeper // h.s. au

Chapter Forty Five

I don't say a word to Zayn or even acknowledge him from my false sense of safety in the corner of his couch. He offers me a blanket that I don't touch until he moves forward with a sigh and drapes it over me. He asks politely if I want some coffee or tea, his lean figure slightly caving in with the inward tilt of his shoulders and spine, hands jammed in the pockets of his dark jeans that fall from his hipbones. I say nothing.

He sighs, shuffling his fingers through his short hair and blinking down at the carpet. I relax as he leaves the room for a good ten minutes before returning with a box of cheez-it's and a cup of tea. He places the box on the table after retrieving a handful for himself, probably hoping i'll soften up and take some in time. He's wrong, I won't.

My body feels mummified in place while I count each breath I take and measure the space between each time I blink. I can feel Zayn watch me from a few feet away on the floor, his legs crossed as he puts all his weight on the hand he has placed slightly behind him on the carpet.

I worry for Harry, for Liam if Harry can't control himself. Even so, the dark parts of me insist that he deserves whatever Harry has coming to him. I'm frightened and confused, again. It all seems never ending and I don't know what any of it means.

Harry never mentioned the part about him having an affair with Liam's financé back in England, but I suspect that he was weary of telling me. I guess it makes sense though, the kind of hate and apprehension Harry has for Mr. Payne doesn't just appear out of thin air. I should have known he had reasons, there has always been a part of me that figures Harry will forever be revealing secrets about himself to me. It's a scary thought but one I'm willing to endure. He warned me that his past was messy, so do I really have a right to be mad?

A thought that's a bit harder to swallow is the fact that Harry most likely lost his virginity to Mr. Payne's financé at the tender age of thirteen. Now that is a thought that brings the taste of bile to my throat along with the sound of Mr. Payne's name twisting around in my head.

Perhaps this is what hurts my heart most of all, that I now have to add Liam's name to the list of people I thought truly cared about me. It's always the same, I let people in and become attached to them only to have their intentions completely flip on a dime. I don't know how many more times I'll be stupid and let myself get played before I finally start learning to put my walls up.

"Your boyfriend is a massive dick," Zayn interrupts my thoughts, causing me to finally look at him with exhausted features.

"You know Zayn," I sniffle, wiping my nose on the back of my hand before going on, "I get that you have an agenda to get in the middle of my life and make it hell but now's really not the time."

"You didn't let me finish." He clears his throat, looking down into his mug of tea held between his hands.

"Your boyfriend is a massive dick, but after what happened back there I guess I've been thinking... If I were in his position, I don't think I would've even considered giving the guy who was competing for a spot with my girl the chance to protect her out of my supervision, even if it meant sacrificing her safety."

He sighs and looks up at me, his sculpted lips pouting naturally.

"I can't stand him, and I don't think I ever will being that he has the one thing I wish I would have fought for sooner. But he's good, and even if I don't want to admit it, he's a better fit for you then what I could've ever been."

I look at him as if he's just grown horns, finding myself speechless while I figure he must be simply playing with my emotions.

"You're only saying that to get on my good side," I accuse in a low voice.