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Nightmares

                    He's coming. Panic rises up in my chest as I cower behind a dresser. I could hear footsteps coming closer, closer. I shrink down lower, trying to hide. A silhouette steps into the doorway, outlined by light. He holds a long stick in his hand, and starts poking around. Looking, searching. For what? Me.

                     I awake with a start, tears running down my face. The same dream has been plaguing me for the last week, and every time, it goes a little bit farther.
      I lean over and grab my phone, not even texting Carson first. I call him. "Hullo?" He asks groggily, his voice weighted by sleep.
      "It happened again. The same, freaking, dream." I say.
      He sighs and pauses, seeming to try to gather his sleep-cloudy thoughts. "How far did it go this time?"
     I explained that it got to where whoever 'he' is, was searching for me.  
        Carson is silent on the end of the line. "Lexi, do you think," he paused. "Do you think I affected the dream at all?"
     "Carson what the heck? How would you have affected the dream? What?"
         He sighed. "Well it seems obvious that it would be Boss in your dream, but you said at lunch the other day that when I yelled at you, I was acting like Boss. I would hate for you to have nightmares about..." He trailed off, emotion in his voice. "...About me."
      He choked out. "Carson Luke Trayco! Don't make this about you. This is about me and my fears and you are turning it into a pity party about you." I snap. "I called you for comfort, not to comfort you. So please, don't, just don't."
      He is silent for a minute. "Okay." He whispers.
      "Thank you. Now I'm going to hang up, and let me assure you, Any nightmares involving you would have to be with you getting hurt. You would never be the bad guy in my dream."
      He exhales, and I could hear the smile in his voice when he answers. "Okay. Goodnight Lexi. I lo-... I hope you sleep well." We hang up.

              At school the next day, I wander slowly down the halls. I'm avoiding Sandra, because of the 6 days we've been back at school, she's given me nothing but trouble.
      I fumble with my lock, muttering a word my mother wouldn't like under my breath. I feel a hand on my shoulder and voice whisper in my ear, "What was that you just said, Lexi?"
     I jumped. "Carson, you gave me a fright!" I exclaimed.
      He laughed and then sobered. "I didn't know you swore."
     "I don't, well, not usually." I frown. "I'm just really tired and I guess it slipped out."
Carson smiled and then shook a finger in my face. "No more of that now, or I might not want to date you."
      I laughed and punched him the arm. "Ok then, sorry father."
      Turning on my heel, I flipped my hair over my shoulder and headed to class, leaving Carson standing next to my locker.

              "Your assignment today, class, is to write a short essay on the scariest thing that has ever happened to you in your life. Make it interesting, captivate us."
      My teacher was giving out homework. "You might think that sounds babyish, but I'm trying not to be boring. So just be creative and have fun with it! It'll be a nice little break."
      "Yeah, whatever." I heard Sandra Bearnes mutter as she flipped her hair over her shoulder. I've got to say, I agree with her a little bit. Okay, I agree with her a lot.
      The scariest thing that's happened to me in my life was just over this summer. Inevitably, I'm going to think about it, even if I can't write about it.
      I felt a lump rising in my throat. Don't think about it, Lexi. Every time I'm reminded of the kidnapping, I panic. In my dreams, in my music, in my thoughts. It's everywhere. When I was little, bad dreams went away when you woke up. But this, this nightmare, lives with me every day. It's like a monster, always right there next to me. I'm afraid that the fear of it has become part of me, and I am too far gone to care.

             "Mom, what time do we leave for California on Monday?" I ask.
"Our flight is at 1:30 so we need to be out of the house by 10:00." She answers. I sigh, and slump a little. She comes over next to me and places a mug of coffee on the table.
     "How are you doing with all this, hon?" She asks. "I can't even imagine what you're going through."
     I put my head in my hands and sigh again. "I don't know mom. Everything's just so hard. I feel as though, as though I should be over it by now. Back to normal. But I just... Can't."
     "Now Alexia," she says. "You're thinking and believing a lie! No one could be back to normal after only three-and-a-half weeks! I can't imagine your life will ever be completely the same as before."
       I start to cry. "Mom. I don't want to go anymore. I know I have to, but you know what I'll be doing? I'll be convicting my best friend. Syd was one of my best friends and now... Now I... I just...." I can't finish.
     "Sweetheart. It's really awful. I know. But you have to help that boy! It will do him a world of good to do community service, or juvenile detention, or whatever they decide. Trust me, you cannot let guilt for sending him somewhere like that eat you alive."
      I nod slowly as she continues. "And it will, if you let it. But just keep in mind, that it's not your fault. Syd made his own decision that you in no way influenced. You and Carson stayed strong, but Syd didn't. He broke. It was a character flaw that he'll have to work on." I sigh, it feels like I'm doing a lot of that lately.
   "Thanks mom. I'm pretty tired. I'm going to bed now okay? I love you, good night." She kisses my head.
    "Goodnight sweetie."
As I climb into bed, and lay my head on the pillow, I hope and pray that I will be too tired for my mind to work it's evil. I hope that I will not be tormented  by nightmares during my hours of rest.

It didn't work. I was.