Comfortably Numb (Kellic)

Chapter Fifteen

Vic's P.O.V

They finally gave me word on how he was doing. I really didn't want to hear the bad things. I would've been perfectly fine having just heard that he was alive and breathing. They're a bit hesitant on letting him have any visitors whatsoever. Something about triggers. The only reason they're allowing this.. I don't want to think about it.

Kellin means so much more to me than I'll ever be able to say. It's unsettling to know he walks around, functioning with the thoughts he has. Looking at a person only reveals so much. A mind is a dark thing.

I swallowed the lump that rose to my throat and forced my weakening legs forward. This doesn't seem real. It can't be real. But it is. Oh god, it's all too real. As much as I wish it'd just be a sick dream, it's not. I can't wake myself up this time. There's nothing to hide behind anymore. I can't pretend he's okay, because he's anything but.

Kellin took penicillin. A whole fucking prescription of it. Thirty plus. On top of that, he's allergic. They said it wouldn't have been as bad if he wasn't. He's smart. The medication isn't killing him. It's the effect of the allergy. The reaction is killing him. His organs are swelled. Doctors say at this rate, he won't last but a few days, if that due to the ammout of swelling. They're pressing against one another, therefore not functioning properly anymore. He'll die before it goes down.

Kellin, for fucks sake, why?

---

Kellin's P.O.V

No one's telling me, and honestly, I don't care. I just want to know why everything hurts so god damn bad. It feels like my insides are caving in. Every time I ask, they brush it off.

There was a soft knock on the door. I expected it to be another doctor. I've already seen four within my few hours of being here. They really over exaggerate. It's not like I tried to kill myself. Oh, wait. I chuckled dryly at my own smart ass self. I'm really starting to question if I'm just mad, or fucking psycho. I'd go with the latter for my own selfish reasons.

Someone walked through the door that I really didn't expect. I tensed up a bit, ready for a lecture about how much I'm loved or that I have a place in this world, all lies they say to ease your mind. But I didn't get one. Vic sat on the foot of the bed with something painful in his eyes. I hated looking into eyes like his and seeing something other than the joy it deserves to hold. Another reason why I'm no good for him. I'm more pain than it's worth. Meaning to or not, I hurt people.

He opened his mouth to speak. Words didn't come out. His forced smile and easy face contorted to one of pain. A sob escaped his lips before the words could. It literally broke my heart.

"Vic no," I whispered, scooting down the bed to pull him into my embrace. His arms shakily wrapped around me.

I felt his body shudder against my own. I didn't mean for this to happen. Vic doesn't.. didn't care, so why the hell is he crying?

"I'm sorry." I mumbled against his soft brown hair. His fingers tangled in the material of the shirt they gave me as more sobs wracked his body.

"Kel-lin, I fucking l-love you." He spoke between his gasps for air. Tears still streamed down his face. I wanted to make up for this. He doesn't deserve this. I can't do anything right.

"I.. I love you too." I breathed, still processing the thing myself. Do I love him? Of course I like him. I've developed a crush, starting the day he picked up my broken self from the ground after Sykes happened. It went from there. It turned into something more, that I knew was just one sided. It's always one sided.

"No," He said, once he had regained most of his breath. "I like you. So much. I'm not ready for this."

I can't take this. He can't say this now. Why didn't he tell me when we kissed? Before I thought I was just a game to him? Before I tried to fucking kill myself for christ's sake. It's him. It's him I've wanted and needed since the first day.

"You can't tell me this now." I spoke barely above a whisper. I didn't exactly trust my voice. I can't cry.

He pulled my hands into his lap, holding them. He sat cross-legged, mirroring me. I don't want to like him the way I do. I don't want to need someone. I don't like someone seeing past my walls I worked so fucking hard to put up. They're not supposed to be knocked down.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't- I didn't mean what I said about the kiss." He sounded almost desperate.

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes, Kellin. Yes it matters. It means so much more than you think." His voice got that edge to it again. Like he was going to cry. He took several deep breaths before continuing. "I haven't felt.. that, in a long time. I guess I never should've loved you, but I do. Forever. Because you loved me."

I was shocked at his words. He knew how I felt about him. I wasn't exactly descreet about it after we had kissed. Vic, loves me? Oh god.

"If you were gonna leave this world, how could it be without me?" His voice cracked. Vic was vulnerable in this moment. He's laying himself out on a table for me.

I didn't want to answer the question. "You deserve someone so much better than this." I said, motioning towards myself. "Go love someone that can love themselves first. I'm just.. done. I don't want to live anymore and please understand this. I can't handle the world anymore, Vic."

"Without you, there is no me." He tugged at my wrists. I held back my tears.

Can't I just dissappear? I've put him through so much shit that he doesn't deserve. I'm ruining a perfect thing.

Vic's P.O.V

I'm losing a perfect thing.