Comfortably Numb (Kellic)

Chapter Twenty

Say you'll see me again, even if it's just pretend.

Days, weeks, months passed. Time didn't mean anything to me anymore. Nothing did really. I fell into a rut. Back and forth, over and over. I wasn't living anymore. I was just existing, if you could even call it that.

I tilted the glass bottle up, the liquid fire running down my throat. The fire is the only thing I can feel. It reminds me that I'm real. But then I just go numb again. It's a never ending cycle.

How can one person have such an impact on your life? When they mean the world to you, that happens. My world died. Now I'm just floating in the cold space, alone. Wandering aimlessly and not really giving a fuck anymore. Why care when there's no one left to care for?

Why care when no one cared for him when he needed it?

Why care when the only person that did is gone?

My life is one big fucking why right now.

I stumbled through the living room, flopping down of the couch. Pressing play, the movie came up where I last left it off. I've watched it over and over, still never understanding why he loved it so much. Where The Wild Things Are. The boy had no one, not really. He had to make up his own world to be accepted and included. The wild things are in his head. That's where it's safe. Only sometimes. Sometimes though, the wild things get rowdy. They get uncontrollable. Kellin never came out of that period of chaos. He never gave himself time to.

Tears sprung to my eyes. Not because I miss Kellin- god, I do every day- but because I'm giving up.

I can't do this anymore. I can't live without Kellin. I got addicted to the way I'd have to save him. Not have to, no. I wanted to. He needed it though he didn't want it. He didn't want to be saved, and he got his way I guess.

People think that way, but they don't think about who they'd effect. That's why most people say it's a selfish and cowardly act. What's selfish and cowardly, no, is pushing someone there. The world does it to you.

For most of my life, I never understood it. Not really. It wasn't until someone close to me had successfully taken their own. The only thing you're really sure of: your life. He drifted away. A big gust of wind took him away; made him better.

I've always liked the wind. Maybe I'd let it pick me up too. Like a leaf fallen from that old oak tree that had been there since your parents were born. Just another decaying piece of life that will eventually float away. Sometime though, the wind picks up leaves before they're ready. When the wind gets too strong and the leaf can't hold on anymore. And I guess those leaves are Kellin and myself. I can't hold on anymore. Kellin flew away, taking half the branch with him. Now there's nothing left for me to hold on to.

Same old repetitive pattern. Same thing I've been doing for however long it has been. Too long. I turned the bottle up, the liquid rolling down my throat. I choked back a sob and pushed myself up from the couch, quite unsteadily.

I grabbed a pen and paper, making my last few words known.

This felt so definite. Like once I sign my name at the bottom, that's it. I'd essentially be signing my death note. But Kellin did long before his due date.

It won't be long now, my love.

With shaking hands, I scribbled the first things on my mind down.

To whomever it may concern,

I've given up this fight. There's nothing left for me. Not here, anyways.
Mikey, I love you man.
Mom, dad, you were the best parents a child could ask for. I love you both so very much.

Kellin, my love, not long now.

-Vic x

Simple and quick. Just like I plan on leaving. Too quick for anyone to notice. Too quick for me to turn back. Before I change my mind.

Intoxicated yet I feel so sober.

I fished around in the medicine cabinet, pulling down whatever pills I could first reach. Hopefully they'd be good enough.

Wait, wait. Lock the door.

I flipped the lock as I popped the cap.

I can almost feel his fingers laced with mine.

I poured the pale capsules into my sweaty palm that still shook. From fear or anticipation, I'm not sure.

There's no turning back.

I turned my head up, swallowing at least three at a time before I had downed the whole bottle. Some fell from my trembling lips and down the drain or in the floor.

Is this how Kellin felt?

The glass bottle in my hand still had a few sips from it.

This is what you've turned out to be.

In high school, I used to think I'd be successful. I'd grow old with someone I love. Have my dream job and plenty of money. The person I loved didn't make it over twenty. I won't make it past twenty-four. I hadn't even finished college for my dream job. And I won't.

I slid down the wall, the back of my shirt riding up. I felt the cool tile pressed against the small of my back. Besides that and the blood pumping through my head, I couldn't feel anything else.

My eyes grew heavy. I took one last swig, dropping the bottle on the tub. It shattered loudly. I didn't care.

My body slumped as my breathing went shallow.

Kells, I'm coming.

My eyesight went blurry, and that's it. That's the last thing I saw: the white paneling of the bathroom door.

I have become comfortably numb.

× Guyyysss this is it. That was it. The last chapter... wow.. Alternate ending maybe because idk about you, but I kinda cried writing this, yeah? Lemme know about that? ×