Mate

Not an update!

Guys this is not an update. But I will repeat this in all of my stories.

Some of my friends are feeling low on self esteem. This is dedicated to anyone who feels ugly.

I know what it feels like to look in the mirror and say I fucking hate how I look. I have experienced it. I say it often too.

But then one of my very close friends started changing my perspective on myself. But she didn't do it on herself.

Guys, you are beautiful. Everyone has flaws. I have cut myself. I have blamed myself for so much. I have been through heartbreak, bullying, depression, and self harm. My parents have insulted me.

I have tried to throw up because I though I was fat. I go on daily runs to lose weight.

But ppl. Scars make us who we are. Our flaws make you, you. Stop trying to change you.

Sure. Maybe you think change is better. But look. If you're weighing like 95 at 12 years old, that's admirable but start eating.

I do want to accomplish that. But someone out there loves you for who you are. Who cares if you're the nerd? Who cares if you're weird?

I have tried so much to fit in. I tried acting like a different person. But I realized. People hang out with me for who I am.

If you're violent, who gives a fuck? You know how to defend yourself. If you're weak, so what? Why do you need strength?

Let me tell you a story about my bullying.

In my summer camp, there was this boy. He made me laugh although I wanted him to stay in the friend zone. One, I liked hi as a friend nothing more. Two, my ex had recently broken up with me and our relationship was pretty horrible so I needed time to 'heal'.

So he asked me out. I told him as kindly as I could, no. The next day the bullying started. He would embarrass me every moment he could. He shoved me into desks, laughed at how I looked. Then one day he started lifting the seats people sat in.

In our schools lunch tables, the seats were connected. So if you were to life a seat you would life a whole row. Two people sat in my row, three in the opposite. He lifted the opposite row and said

"Damn you guys are heavy."

Then he lifted my row and said.

"I can barely lift this up. Probably Melissa, she's so fat."

I swear to god I wanted to run out crying. But I didn't. I sat there and scoffed. It hurt but what the hell.

One of my friends, Jaeden, she's a tomboy. She told me to stand up. That talk changed me. Another talk with my best friend Anika changed me too.

If you have self harm scars, it's okay to show them. Døńt hide it. If people laugh at you, then they're assholes. Your true friends help you get through everything and motivate you. They know what's wrong even if you try to hide it. Be happy that you're surviving. If you're self harming or thinking of suicide, stop. Please. Because I care. I care. I'm not like the other people who are just like

"Pffftt they're suicidal let me just hurt them even more."

I hate those people. I cursed out two of them. You're life is too important to go I waste. You're gonna find someone who is gonna be the rock that keeps you steady. And if you've already found them, don't let go.

I believe you are beautiful. Everyone had flaws. No one is perfect. Some people have scars, others its the personality but there are good qualities. Beautiful, always there for someone. You have no reason to be thinking low of yourself.

So what you're weird? So what you're nerdy? So what you're a lesbian/gay? You need to choose who you want to be. Because you're the only person that can change yourself. It's your body. Døńt hate it. Love it. God, gods whoever you believe in gave you you're body for a reason. You are loved. You are beautiful. You are strong.

Don't stop believing in yourself. Be whoever you want to be. No matter what you dress up as or be, someone somewhere won't approve. So be yourself. And keep fighting.

(I'm so sorry if this doesn't make sense to some people.)