Chasing Happy

Chapter 21

Kieran read the card stapled to the cellophane that hugged the sunflowers on her desk. She smiled, picked up her phone and left a message on her aunt's voice mail. She was so sweet.

By midday, she took a break from work drumming her fingers on the desk, as she thought what to have for lunch. She looked around her office. It was okay as offices went, neutral, wooden furniture, a window overlooking the dreary grey car park ten floors below. Her mind drifted to what her office in New York would have looked like. She imagined tall ceilings, marble floors and expensive furniture, maybe a view of Central Park. It seemed like a million years ago that it had been an option for her. Now she was having a baby.

Would she ever have the opportunity to go there again? How would that even work with a baby and Joshua? She wasn't sure how she felt about giving up her career goals to be a mother. Part of her would always wonder what if? What if she had ignored Darren and taken the job? How different would her life be on the other side of the Atlantic?

Kieran looked down at her stomach and rubbed it. She thought about what Amelia said. Her life was about to change. Though she was excited, she wished it happened later - when she was ready. There was so much she wanted to do and see before she settled down. Now it was on hold. Her priorities were different. Would her old priorities be relevant after the birth of her child? She sighed; she'd made her bed; now she had to lie in it.

Her breathing quickened at the thought that the baby would depend on her for everything. How was she going to cope with the pressure? It was a little too late to worry about that now; this was her life for the foreseeable future. Before she had a full scale panic attack, she called Joshua.

"Hey J," she said happy to hear his voice. It soothed her. Of course she made the right choice in having the baby and being with him.

"Hey Ki, you okay?"

"Fine, just thinking what to get for lunch," Kieran replied. Then she heard a female talking in the background and the tinkle of cutlery.

"I'll have what you're having," Joshua said to the other person.

"Where are you?"

"Having lunch."

"With who?"

"A friend."

"Which friend? You didn't tell me you were meeting anyone." Kieran heard how silly she sounded.

"She was in the area, it was impromptu."

"By she I take it you mean Vanessa," Kieran snapped

"So?"

"So? So she asked you to jump and you said how high. You were supposed to go and sort out the pushchair," Kieran said raising her voice. She couldn't believe her ears.