Zoë
I wish I didn't see it.
I wish I could unsee him with that girl. I wish I can undo ever getting close to him at all and now it hurts. But I know this is all my fault. He was damaged and I pushed him over the edge. I was being so selfish and now I know that apologizing will mean nothing to him. I have royally fucked up this one. There's no coming back from this one. There will be no fixing this.
I just simply can't fix this. And I feel completely awful. At least I didn't tell him everything. I can honestly say that I am ashamed of myself. I hate that I ever thought I could even have a friend. I was meant to be alone. I keep telling myself that. Because why else would I push people away?
And then question why I did it later on. I can honestly say that I hate the way I am. I hate that I'm like this, and I hate the thing that made me like this. I hate that dull ache in my chest that never leaves and just keeps on building up. I know I can't hold back what's bound to happen for much longer.
I haven't cried in so long. I've kept my distance from everyone allowing it to stay that way. Other people only hurt you and even if they think they're helping and trying to put you back together. Well darling, you've got broken pieces so tiny they went missing. They got blown away with a gush of wind, and are now nowhere to be seen or found. And then coming to a realization is what hurts most. You are broken beyond repair.
There is no fixing the damage that has been done to you, your trust, and your poor fragile heart.
And then I feel a strange stinging in my eyes. Tears. I haven't cried in so long. I blink them away. As long as I can keep pushing them away, pushing everything away, I won't be okay. But I'll appear okay.
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This is short and shitty I'm sorry guys :/
I promise a longer better next chapter.
This also took way too long with this. In my defense I had le device I'm writing these shitty stories off of on my stomach and then Riley keeps like legit laying right in front of the screen trying to fucking nap. And when she wasn't trying to nap in front of my keyboard she was oh so fucking fascinated at the words "magically" appearing on the screen and kept like pawing at my hand and then gently biting my hand.
And if you don't know who Riley is stop reading my books I'm disappointed in you kill yourself stop breathing I'm so done with you bye you're dismissed.
I'm kidding I'm kidding
But seriously tho if you don't know who Riley is that's kinda sad. She's in my fucking bio 😪
Anyways
Bye you bunch of nagging pandas ~ ash💋✌🏻️👏🏻
