Matthew
I'm trying so so hard to not fall apart.
I have every reason to. I have the right to.
Yet here I am fighting it off trying to prove some point and to who?
For what?
That I am strong?
Who knows. But then I see her walking around looking like she's completely done.
And for some reason..
I walk up to her. My brain is screaming at me to stop.
But for some strange reason
my legs do not stop this nonsense.
Until I am standing in front of her and suddenly I do not know why I came in front of her or what I am supposed to do next.
Just being so close brings that ache back. That same ache I keep trying to ignore and pretend that it isn't there and pretend that she isn't the reason I am the way I am today.
She looks up at me and we just stare at each other. I do not know what to say.
And I do not know why but I am getting these strange feelings.
I do not know why..
But I think that perhaps..I might have missed her.
And though I will maybe never admit it (not aloud at least)
I think that perhaps..I have feelings for her.
And it's terrifying and I do not know how to deal with it because I still care for her and her well being as much as I would like to not.
So what I say is, "Are you okay?"
"Sure."
"Please don't lie to me."
"I do not owe you any kind of anything. Yes I am not okay. It's not as if you actually care about me anymore anyways."
"Whoever said I didn't care? We stopped talking and that does not mean I stopped caring."
