Zoë
He may have said some "sweet" things, but oh well. I cannot deal with any of this any more I am so so tired of this pain.
All of it I'm sick of it.
I think it's time for me to be free of pain and worry.
Maybe it is my time to be able to be fucking selfish.
I'm doing everything else wrong anyways.
So fuck it.
The rest of the day Matthew keeps staring at me.
When I get home I pack my backpack and a duffel bag with all the things I might need. I grab my kitten, I grab the box I had hidden in my bed.
It was filled with the money I had been saving up to get the operation done. To ensure that I can hear without the hearing aids.
Nothing matters anymore.
I climb out of my window and soon I am off into the darkness. I do not look back. I do not say goodbye. That house was not a home. She was not my mother. One act of kindness does not make up for years of pain she put me through.
All those nights I spent crying myself to sleep all because of her.
And then Matthew. He won't forgive me for what I have done.
He won't forget.
But for some reason I stop when I hear a party going on. And speak of the devil he stumbles down the street. And I stop.
He notices me and drunkenly slurs, "What're you doin'?"
He will not remember this when he wakes next. So I reply honestly, "Running away."
"B-but but I..you can't b-because i-i love you." He stumbles in front of me.
"I might come back. I just can't deal with all of this going on as of now."
"And what w-will running away so-lve?"
"Nothing. But it will get me away from the source of my problems. I need some time alone."
"B-but..I don't want y-ou to." He pouted up at me.
And for the very reason of him not going to be able to remember a single moment of this tomorrow I leaned up on my toes and pressed my lips against his.
And then I pulled away and walked away. Ready to go to the train station and head far far away from this awful place full of too many memories.
I did not look back.
