Why does he have to be in my class? Hell in my fucking school I sigh and walk into the ladies room. I can't believe I'm thinking about a guy. The only hot dudes I think about are famous. And even then it's rare.
No, I'm not lesbian. I just don't believe my daily routine should be filled with the thoughts of hot men. Yes, I'm one of those few rare teenage girls who's hormones are kept on lockdown. With the keys thrown down a well. I'll get the keys with a net it's all good.
But apparently this new dude got them for me. Cue the eye roll. I sigh and notice that I'm becoming stressed. I look in the mirror. Gosh I look like a fucking mess. I usually look so care free (better than saying I don't give a fuck 99.9% of the time). In the end we can't bottle up our emotions forever and I am full and well aware of this.
We are all ticking time bombs just waiting to explode. And all my life I've invested in a longer fuse and so far it's worked. But I can't run forever and I can feel myself starting to slip up. And just the thought of loosing my grip on my emotions terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function.
Yes I am absolutely terrified of falling apart because my whole life I've been able to keep my feelings in or push them away and just not think about them. I haven't fallen apart this whole ten years and I'm not about to now just because some boy moved here.
I sigh again and feel my walls start to crumble. I find myself having trouble breathing. Fuck.
I haven't had a panic attack in 12 years. I used to get them a lot but then my mum started giving me ways to prevent it or while it happens ways to calm myself down. I hurry up and grab my sketchbook. I grab my pencil. At the moment I don't know what I'll draw, all I know is that when my pencil touched the paper I was out of there.
I was in my own world. I forgot everything and anything. I don't even know if I was breathing or if I felt ok. I didn't know what I was drawing. All I know is that my hand was moving quickly my heart was racing and I had adrenaline pumping through my veins.
Finally I finished. I looked at what I drew and smiled a little. It was a picture of a flower. But not just any flower. My mums favorite flower. I remember I would ask her before her birthday and save up my pounds to buy her some flowers. I would ask her what her favorite flower was and she would always say; "you know you'll always be my favorite flower baby".
And I would get so frustrated with her because she knew what I was planning and she just didn't go along with it. She eventually told me and I would get them for her all the time after that.
I sighed and got up from the floor. Damn that's so unsanitary I didn't even realize I was sitting down. Ew. I don't even know if anyone's pissed on this floor or puked ugh that's disgusting. I shiver in disgust and walk out of the bathroom.
I sigh and check my phone. Damn it! It's already third period! I start running and finally end up in my proper class. Third, fourth, fifth, and seventh period make school tolerable. Sure I don't hate it. But I don't like it either. I just said it was tolerable.
I walk into my third period and smile at my teacher out of breath saying "sorry I'm late first period was bad I'll explain later" she sighed and playfully glared at me; "you better I'll get the ruler on your arse!" I laughed and sat in my seat.
I breathe in deep and listen to my music teacher, basically the best teacher in this whole bloody school. She pretty lenient on me being late I mean she understands. I look at the seat next to mine, which by the way is always empty because I don't like people and they know this. But I see the hot dude from this morning and then look away quickly.
I look down at my desk and let my hair be a curtain to hide my face and whole side of my body. It comes in handy y'know. But then I hear that damned voice and it sends shivers down my spine and it's only a single question.
And that was....
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cliffhanger yo, btw you're welcome Julia >.>
~✌️ you bunch of pandas
